Nat vis

So often one can be wrapped up in our life experiences that we tend to forget that some basic principles apply consistently. Yesterday was the first time in my career where I afforded myself a glimpse at the management STUFF that applies to running a great business. Although I had heard many of the concepts before, in context of how to put it together in a practical and realistic way was refreshing and educational. Truthfully I have made so many mistakes as a new business. I have to beat the part of me that wants to cry and die replacing it with a more proactive solution. Thank you Lilene.

THE BIGGEST LEARNING CURVE FOR ME WAS THE FACT THAT OTHERS DON’T LIVE IN OUR HEADS! I make this mistake often. 

Like a ‘nat vis’ against the head I see that even though I have tackled my little startup with gusto and passion i need to spend some quality time at the drawing board if it is going to be any business at all. It’s hard to admit one has messed up and to be big and brave enough to want to change it. I just hope,with all my heart, that the powers that be will grant me the opportunity to take another shot armed with a bit more information…(he smiles as he looks towards the heavens).


I soothe my silly ego that tripped me up into thinking that just being me would be good enough to create success. Oh how wrong the EGO was….lol.

THE BOY HAS HOMEWORK!!

Gladly however, humility is not a difficult thing for me and I can laugh at the naïveté of myself. It is a complex thing to take the essences of oneself and turn it into a successful business that operates outside of oneself but screams everything of oneself. All I can say is a great humble thank you to life for giving me some homework to learn and implement to become more business savvy than I am. 

So here it is:

I, I guess like a lot of people, automatically assumed that others would have the same desire to create success and an experience and with a passion like my own. 

YES TAKE YOUR CHEAP SHOT…. LOL….I WAS AN IDIOT BELIEVING THAT I COULD LET THINGS HAPPEN ORGANICALLY AND FALL INTO PLACE.


But it’s going to be ok! The consoling thing is that I have done things without malice and perhaps too honestly; but at least it’s real. I realized yesterday that, unfortunately, not all personality types will naturally see beyond the thing…..for some the thing is the thing and that must be dealt with as such. As an example my blog…. the purpose of it is firstly for me to clear my head and thereafter a tool to reach out to others that may be struggling with similar issues. The biggest part has been to try and not lose another friend or whoever to suicide. I know that suicide is a tough subject to think about but imagine how I feel having lost 5 people like that last year. Apparently, at this point in history there are more high-flyers offing themselves under the global economic pressures. I don’t want to change my blog but I know that some will judge it superficially and in turn me. So in turn they may judge my business which is both part and separate of me. NONE OF US IS WHAT WE DO! THE WHAT WE DO IS INFLUENCED BY HOW WE DO! {eish…and I get ‘the how’ super Uber wrong big time a lot…mostly that is my predominant personality type that struggles to obey rules….anyhow I have come this far….and I enjoy learning so that’s a positive at least…lol.}
A memory wall that is a living Art piece in my bedroom is the last and first thing I see everyday and reminds me of the journey that has happened and that will come. I am glad that I am me. Goodness knows that I am fun and entertaining to say the least.

Each of the items on my ‘memory wall’ represent a part of me that experienced an incredible moment. It’s fun and silly but gets me out of my mistakes and reminds me of the great things about me.

My friend Ella said something yesterday that hit like a ‘nat vis’, “nothing worth having comes easy!” So as I, now armed with better information and awareness, can take the remnants of a brave attempt at a new business and start to conduct it in a manner that is more conducive to growth.

SO MY BUSINESS MISSION WILL FORTHWITH BECOME THIS!

To create an environment that allows others to safely explore their personal identity outside of  judgement, with honesty, informed  facts, love, excellence and mutual growth.

As a person that lives his consequences, everyday, by taking a pill that helps him stay alive and has been through hell and back ,as far as I can, my business will stand for care and not caring about what who or what others are or not. God knows so many hair salons are so intimidating and uncomfortable….. •AJB• will NOT be that.

No matter where you are or find yourself, every moment is just that…a moment! Sometimes it is the moment to say goodbye and sometimes it is the ‘nat vis’ moment that jars us awake for better things. It’s never going to be easy or even fair but it’s yours to live…..LIVE IT!!!!


STAY YOUR AMAZING SELF!

❤️

•AJB•

The Right Bite

A dream in my hands and the hope of a better life in the midst of political and social insanity; I struggle to find the meaning of it all. For the last, nearly 10 months, I have taken myself, a group of strangers, clients and friends on a birds eye view of a little life scratching for better. Now I know that my little is more than the most, statistically speaking. If one considers that roughly 15% controls 85% of the wealth in the world, it’s ludicrous. But what does it take to get one’s hands onto a greater portion of that wealth in order to stand in the authenticity of one’s life. It is such a privileged right, as I am lucky enough this morning, to be able to go to. IT IS A DRESS UP EVENT! A privilege because life requires money to build something and it’s a right as we are all equally created with a purpose to build. So many purposes become diamanté for diamonds. So many diamanté; blood at that.

I am not grovelling, at least not too much, and am trying hard to not let the negative words of stressed dismay pass beyond my thoughts. I want more life, more client’s to play on, more opportunities to decorate my home, more expendable income to get that gym body I deeply crave, more money to greater support the charities that I do support and perhaps enough to fix my nose, teeth and go to a holiday destination. Somewhere like Turkey, Morocco, London New York, Paris….just 1X to see what the actual fuss is all about.

Addiction has never afforded me the chance to experience that. That is my consequence. Yet I cannot shake off what a brat I sound like when I see the numbers of people who die from malnutrition everyday.

The point is mega. It’s a later season in my life, although not too late. Lessons ARE being learnt. The roller coaster of relapse and disrupted meds created such upheaval in my sleep and general well being for too long.  Yes; I take a pill everyday that keeps me alive and well. It is a miracle that I live at all; I guess!

The point is this… yesterday in response to another’s post on social media about bills coming and money being scarce, I likewise showed solidarity by concurring with a similar post. Truthfully; this week has been the worst week since I started hairdressing as a qualified stylist. 

BUT!!!!

Secret Sunrise, a yoga and dance event, came like still water after a bitter espresso. It was fabulous and frenetic. I wish all of SA had been there to experience the complete comfort of multi-racial, multi-cultural, multi-ages, multi-sizes & multi-everything all playing with dress up and imaginative scenarios. With a theme like Fantastic Beasts one can only imagine the array of colourful gear.

With headsets blaring, Rosebank rooftop became a fantasy land of love and acceptance. YOU DON’T WANT TO MISS THE NEXT ONE!!!!

https://www.facebook.com/secretsunrisejohannesburg/

Sometimes a little ‘letting our hair down’ is required when the dreams we hold dear seem to be challenged either by ourselves or the world around us!

In stark contrast to the fun, walking through the empty ‘closing down sale’  rows of a SA retail store giant Stuttafords in Sandton City,  the reality of difficult times felt like that icy tingle when one narrowly escapes being hit by oncoming traffic. Dear God please let SA not become another roadside tragedy.

I am not sure whether to accept offers to get involved in other money generating schemes, stick to my guns and or to drop my prices to mid-range. I am scared! Gosh I have tried every possible promo idea to generate new business that I can think of, with moderate success.

At Pronto on Jan Smuts for a spectacular lunch today the discussion of nasty people, entitlement and bulk people came up. Isn’t it funny how those with the money feel that the price they pay demands brilliant service whilst often the said same people are rude, unreasonable and dismissive of other people. Hun,  money doesn’t buy great service ones attitude does. The money is the value…the ‘attitude’ shows the appreciation of the value giver. It seems that often bulk people are so busy collecting that the need for more becomes insatiable and the value of others diminishes. 

This weekend has thrown into highlight the right bite. When we do our best to moderate our ego it is amazing how opportunities to discover authenticity pop up. I have found a cooking school called The Cookery I would like to try if the dream in hand is allowed to thrive and the hope of a life yet lived granted it’s chance too. As I took this pic <⤵> I was reminded of who I was before the addiction,  before recovery, before disappointment, before my false self tried to eat my Fantastic Beast. 

BUT THE REAL ARION, THE ONE NOBODY YET IN JHB HAS REALLY COME TO KNOW IS BACK. THAT YOUNG MAN THAT ALMOST GOT EATEN UP THAT ACTUALLY MAKES FRIENDS EASILY, THAT GOES BEYOND THE CALL OF DUTY, THAT IS HONOURABLE AND KIND, GENTLE AND STRONG, HONEST AND LOVING IS BACK. THE ARION THAT PERHAPS I KNEW WAS ALWAYS THERE BUT TOO SCARED TO SHOW HIM AS HE IS RARE. THE GUY THAT THINKS REAL IS BETTER USED RATHER THAN BEING A SHOWCASE MANTLE PIECE TO BE HAULED OUT AT STRATEGIC  MOMENTS.

NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY, DO OR HOW THEY JUDGE YOU THERE IS A LOVE SO DEEP THAT WILL HELP YOU RISE….IF YOU TAKE THE JOURNEY!! OPEN THE DOOR…A FANTASTIC BEAST WITH JUST THE RIGHT BITE WILL DANCE YOUR SUNRISE SECRET GLORIOUSLY EVERYDAY…NO MATTER WHAT…EVEN WHEN IT’S TOUGH!

STAY YOUR AMAZING SELF!

❤ 

•AJB•

Invitation’s

Something magical happened tonight!

Besides Ella and I both dressing in stripes and dots, totally coincidentally, we walked out of the Pierneef Theatre stunned. 

A two man show starring Deandre Reiners and Vianney Henry Farmer who co-wrote PASS (ings) with director and designer Quintin Wils left us reeling in the fact that we had just witnessed a seriously brilliant moment in theatre. WE WERE CLOSE ENOUGH THAT I FELT EVERY PAINSTAKING ANGST OF THE PERFORMANCE RIP THROUGH ME AS IF ROLES WERE REVERSED. From the striking stark set, thought-provoking and heart-wrenching script through to the gripping acting made the trek to Pretoria worth every second. INVOLUNTARILY THE TEARS STREAMED DOWN MY FAN-FACE. 

YIP; IF YOU MISSED IT, YOU REALLY MISSED.

If you get the opportunity to see this production you MUST NOT pass it up!

Deandre Reiners is mesmerising as a deeply conflicted Liam with an intensity that was impossible to say goodbye to at the end. So much of both Liam’s and Jayden’s character echo the crises of many adults; conformity vs authenticity. Watching Jayden’s tears I could have died right there….the pain of identity and belonging. Breathtaking!!!!

Dinner at Parea on Corlett Drive Illovo was the perfect compliment to a great night with stunning traditional dancers providing delightful traditional  entertainment to the fab meals.

People I adore, increasingly, are beginning to show their vulnerability in response to my blog which openly chats about some struggles I and many others face. I am seeing that often the invitation to be a ‘CONFIDANT’ begins with extending the invitation to oneself by dropping the FAKE. My friend Ella is such a brilliant mirror for me to not discount myself on behalf of others. It’s hard for me to not want to ALWAYS be the good guy and I really try hard.

Tonight typified the magnificence of humanity in glorious realness. Life is too short to waste time on idle games that only generate more pain for ourselves and others. So often we are polite to “not hurt another’s feelings”, and I am hugely guilty of this, when the very game hurts so much more.

What I mean is this: 

Our feelings are nothing as they change moods more often than we possibly could change lingerie, daaaaarling . We ALL get vibes about others and as much as the other knows that something is up, so do we. From experience I have seen that when I play the game of people-pleaser, invariably, someone or both get put out; usually with a loss of mutual respect thrown in. NOW I AM NOT SAYING THAT ONE HAS TO BE A COMPLETE JERK AND BE BELITTLING TO OTHERS AND OURSELVES  BUT BEING HONEST, NICELY, IS PROBABLY THE MOST DIFFICULT  YET DECENT ROAD. (and I get it wrong a lot…..aaaargh)

Life in its raw form is delightfully beautiful and cruelly divine. It needs no LED’s to make its colours show. It certainly does not need our help to play itself out either. I learnt years ago that time will continue loooooooong after each of us has come and gone.

Life is as time is….. its own journey. At best we make with it what we can. The choice is…. do we willingly accept the invitation to learn to be our best humane selves or do we accept the invitation to learn to be our best self-serving selves. Either way we will have karma.

I don’t know what I did right to be privileged enough to experience a moment of Magic last night but bring it on….’please sir may I have some more?’

(such a fun memory….playing model model with security….I appreciate these guys so much who daily take strides with me as ordinary working people holding our heads up high trying to do the right thing in a country so torn apart by some extraordinary self-server’s; past and present.)

LIFE IS!

STAY YOUR AMAZING SELF!

❤ 

• AJB • 

Being schooled

《THIS BLOG HAS A SPIRITUAL CONTEXT. PLEASE READ ENTIRELY BEFORE YOU JUDGE IT OR OVERLOOK IT.》

It’s hard sometimes to take it on the chin! 

Imagine, for a minute how the runner up feels? In an honest contest the winner and runner up would have given their all, but somehow the winner had something extra. Oft the bitterness of a second place is heard on the sidelines after the dust has settled.

In my life striving to win the Twincare SA Hairstylist of the Year, many times, has seen me place anywhere but first. Sometimes I knew why and other times I was slighted. Last year, winning this coveted award, however, I had a feeling that I was doing well. I slaved like a dog to manufacture all the bits I needed complete the vision in my head. The interesting thing is that the year before I also slaved but in my heart I knew that it was a test. I knew that I wasn’t going to win but the victory for me was passing the test of perseverance with the knowledge that I was being tested on discipline and not victory. 

Thank you for asking? How did I know? Like today I woke up with a pressing urge to read something. Today it was my Bible. Last year’s competition, held at the end of 2015, a quote stood out like a sore thumb. “Courage is not in facing your battles, courage is facing your battles knowing that you may lose.”

Even though I lost, hopelessly, I won an amazing characteristic. I learnt that I am brave.

FAST  FORWARD 2017….

Today I woke up. It’s dark outside and the nip of winter sends shivers down my spine. The cream in my coffee is a delightful treat. I have been busting my chops for 4 months to keep my dream alive of being my own boss with a nasty wobble that has put my dream at severe risk. I have been praying like nuts to come out of this self-induced crises. LET’S SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

The point of today’s blog is about right and wrong. I woke up with the need for caffeine…just kidding. I had to read James 4. Listening to my audio bible the last sentence has bowled me over. I have read my Bible many times but missed this COMPLETELY!!!!

As I understand it….for you/ me/ whoever (the individual) who KNOWS what is ✔ for them (the individual) to do but doesn’t DO it is ❌.

So obvious. But profoundly appropriate. Each of us is an individual. Each of us has a particular purpose. Each of us counts. Each of us has the job to fulfill our particular purpose in this life. Each of us has a global and unique set of rules that apply to our particular purpose. 

Donna said something yesterday which rocked,” When my husband or Phillip give that wierd look about what I am wearing, I know it rocks.” What she is saying is that others misunderstand our individuality and try conform us to their personal tastes. So how do we decifer, accurately, the particular that is crucial to our purpose? I found a quote which I think sums it up nicely! SO OFTEN THE ADVICE WE ARE GIVEN BY OTHERS HAS MORE TO DO WITH THEIR PURPOSE MORE THAN OUR OWN.

From experience I have seen that honest and true goodness sticks around whilst the nature of ❌ is to flee. Boy, have I tried to flee from myself MANY times when I have let my insecurities get the better of me. My insecurities always drive me to promiscuity, substance abuse and self-loathing!

BUT!!!!!!!!!!

As I was , rightly, taught that the next ✔ thing we can do when we choose ❌ is to take it on the chin by confessing and making amends.

I am learning to value myself over and above my ego. Like I knew that I had to go through the trial of Hairstylist of the Year at the end of 2015 was the ✔ thing to do, even though I wouldn’t win, the ego in me was that little more taken to task.

Whatever your crises, as my own personal one is of making my business a success and to stay clean so that I can build a life that is uniquely mine to live, remember to look for the things that remain after the consequences have been dealt.

Oft it doesn’t look like it, taste like it, feel like it but it IS ALWAYS JUST ENOUGH PEACE TO BRING US THROUGH IT.

STAY YOUR AMAZING SELF! 

❤ 

• AJB • 

GOing 

Taking a moment to catch my breath, laying in bed with a grin on my face, I give thanks that life is an ever-changing scenario. Even though I am far from reaching the goals that are important to me I can enjoy the journey. Oh gosh it is rough sometimes and my chaos can push me to the brink of wanting to end it all; but it somehow all makes sense somewhere along the line. My home is slowly taking shape in a direction that really expresses me. My friendship journey is proving to be mesmerising. 

What stuns me most is the mercy of God / the Universe / Higher Power / Love! After years whilst growing up and sincerely believing that God hated me I am experiencing the exact opposite. Yes, the days go by that I wish that I was a more perfect human but I am just who I am and what I am until it changes. In the interim I am doing what I can to honour that love.

Lately it seems to me that the more we just enjoy being connected to our Greater Love the more life seems to flow in our favour. Personally, dancing as a form of worship in front of life is yielding unexpected results of serious blessing. 

Yes my car is STILL at the garage needing R55 000 to fix the engine, I need some basic necessities in my home and need to grow my little business from ‘hanging-on-by-a-thread’ to being able to go somewhere nice on holiday for the 1st time ever BUT I am content.

I never thought that life could have moments of such incredible peace. I see it in the vulnerability of others around me, the emerging of the artist in me expressing itself, the little gains of growth, the forgiveness after a stumble and the overflowing joy when I throw my body around in my apartment dancing with, in and for the presence of my Higher Power.

I don’t doubt that a valley will come unexpectedly but for now I am alive to tell the tale. Tell it I will.

It is not negativity that is our enemy, it is how we act on it. I look forward to seeing those cruel and destructive behaviours in me dwindle away to nothing more than a minor irritating itch. 

As I watch the wild garden bird build it’s nest outside of my bedroom window, I count my blessing that it’s my window, my eyes, my home that is the luckiest home in the world to have a bright yellow bird as a neighbour.

Life is all around us and the darkness just a reminder to LOVE the goodness as it OUTWEIGHS every HURT all the time EVERYTIME!

STAY YOUR AMAZING SELF! 

❤ 

• AJB • 

The Mirrors Lie

Panic hit! I felt like I had run out of petrol in dodge city.

Giiiiiiiiirl, you know what time I am talking…..right!? Hitching my dress into my pantyhose  and popping my heels into my Jodi Deerling bag I flew around Checkers Sandton. It was late Saturday arvie and I had 6 of each but 7 guests were arriving at my Sunday lunch ‘Picnic @ 3 Polo’. People just knew my trolley had no brakes, and if they did Mama was not gonna be a usin’ dem. We managed to get extra cutlery and crockery to cater for the MIGHTY SEVEN.

STRAWBERRIES! What do ya’ll mean not a strawberry in Sandton!? AND NO BRRRRRRRRANDY!!!! Like ya’ll kiddin’ me! It’s Sandton for cryin’ out loud. Lordy mighty!!!! Thinking fast, as one does in dodge city, I phoned emergency. Ella, saved the day and ran across town to deliver the brandy. And an even more exotic dessert idea was born. 

Now giiiiiiiiirl  could sumbody tell  me why it is that domestic assist, that one pays 1 1/2× the going rate don’t do a 1/4 of the value of the cleaning in the home? I set about cleaning from top to bottom and discovered that my packet of bacon medallions had been swiped from the freezer. Oh well a slightly less punchy vegetarian starter had to be had….tough.

The day arrived! 

My new curtains arrived and had to be hung. My new painting went up and the tick tick of that freakin clock just wouldn’t stop. Dodge city loomed and my exasperation grew. I don’t easily invite others over….well at least when I am sober…in other conditions, let’s just say that necessity is the mother of invention….and leave it at that. It has been years since I have chosen to cook for others on a scale that I enjoy and open my inner sanctuary to scrutiny. Things had to be excellent! Not so much to impress others as much as I like my events to have an easy, comfy and natural environment. 

I SET UP MY ‘ICE-BREAKER’ GAME and the first peeps began arriving. The food hadn’t even begun being near ready. But Mama had said dem prayers and God had hear dem prayers and step ryt in. Giiiiiiiiirl dem grits went purrrrfect!

The day was glorious. Eventually at about 6/7 it was over and I sat back with tears streaming down my face. I was exhausted! I am filled with a deep gratitude for these peeps that pitched up and turned a moment into the kind of day that anyone would crit as, “One for the books.” 

Crossing the treacherous bridge of being vulnerable in front of others is scary. It’s one thing writing about it; it’s another standing before your jury in the flesh. All I can say is that I cannot wait to grow the MIGHTY SIX, (1 didn’t make it…..tiff tiff), to a MIGHTY GATHERING. I have such a deep love for others that I thoroughly enjoy doing little nice things for them like killing myself in the kombuis to show my love. The more the merrier.

I chose to step out in faith and acknowledge the blessing I am in of being my own boss, living in a honest home, knowing amazeball people and being a human that thrives on loving others. My tears were of a great joy that stems from when letting our blessings flow rather than ‘woeing’ them away from miracles 

I hope you have a blessed week and get to feel the deep unexplainable connection to a HIGHER GREATER LOVE that I wept in the presence of last night.

To help you and I, I found this list on Pinterest. I am calling it the ‘BEING KIND LIST’. It has given me a few ideas of how to continuously let the blessing of a perfectly imperfect life grow me to more magical moments of truly loving myself. Try it with me, com’on now giiiiiiiiirl!

The thing is this….that even though the mirror that I looked into when all was done and dusted, showed me my tear stained face, it couldn’t tell me the love that beat through my heart. And this morning it showed me the grin on my face from dancing but it couldn’t tell me what I was listening to.

A LOVE EXISTS THAT IS FOUND IN SIMPLE MOMENTS THAT NO MIRROR CAN EVER TELL YOU HOW. 

SUMTIMES,  JUS’ SUMTIMES, GIIIIIRL DEM MIRRORS LIE!

STAY YOUR AMAZING SELF!
❤ 

•AJB•