One of the first personal injuries I experienced in my heart was a criticism made by a girlfriends mom about my paisley socks….I was a teen and had just bought them. They were a statement of style and individuality for me. Carefully I had matched them to a similar looking shirt….quite frankly I thought that I looked dapper. Another was in my early 20”s. Dancing as I do; something like an aerobics instructor having an epileptic fit….and no I am not making fun of either. Anyhow it’s arms, legs and everything everywhere. A strange girl came up to me and told me to stop as i was ruining her trip.
Both these occasions devastated me as I really tried hard to be cool and interesting. When my efforts weren’t met by appraisal my entire identity crumbled.
This morning I read Isaiah 15 and it’s a story of the goings-on of people at the aftermath of a lost battle. People weeping, searching and confused is the grim scene.
I had to do some examination into this story. I discovered the answers in a book given to me by Pastor Andy called Unlocking the Bible written by David Pawson. Admittedly I have seldom browsed through it as it is not only scary in size but I am also lazy to search for things. It must just work or be understandable. THAT IS A SCAPEGOAT AND BEHAVIOUR THAT MUST CHANGE AND FAST. So in the book I discovered the key to the story in Isaiah but also to this Blog.
In the story, war came after a period of wealth and peace…however because the people in the story had aligned themselves with falsehoods and had become arrogant and proud….disaster struck.
There is something that happens in me too when I become arrogant / snobbish / prideful too. In both my personal experiences of negative feedback; because I had put my self-worth in what I looked like or something I did well when disaster knocked on the door of my heart I was easily destroyed.
In this process of recovery I am learning that it is only when we are fixed on building our identity through the eyes of God can we weather the storms of life.
You see from personal experiences I have seen that we all are injured and need a higher perspective of ourselves. My rebuttal to the sometimes cruel world is this. …y not aim at being pure, having integrity or try be honest. Y not aim at the best version of yourself even if we fail? Y not just give the God way a PROPER go and see what happens…ARION?
I know what it is like to cry yourself to sleep alone, exhausted from being misunderstood.
As I went down on my knees this morning the magnitude of knowing that God made me to be me….paisley socks and all for a reason outweighed every hurt and every need to fit in as we spoke in private….no pretences just raw love.
You see the truth is…… people will always be pro and against everything we do for the rest of our lives. That’s cool…it is not possible to fully understand another or even ourselves truly. We are the same but all different. SO WHAT?
I am just curious to know how my different can be used by God.
I know I need some serious identity adjustments as a lot of what I stuff my power into has failed miserably because it was not meant for me. So too when I believed the lie that I had to be somebody and make something of myself. All I did was cripple my heart from holding to the power that is exclusively me to try people-please to fit in….
Now where can I get some Paisley Socks?