So many things poised themselves today to give me a serious wakeup call. Or rather a wakeup shout if you will.
Listening to the Pastor talk about how a thankful heart captivates God’s heart I realised how disillusioned I have become.
That is easy when dealing with major self-inflicted disappointment’s, a breakup and the stresses of life. Add to that the pressure of wanting to do well in a serious hair competition. Nevermind the desire to want to honour God in my art. (My love of God is such….everything God does is Supersonic-HD-Technicolour-LED-3D-Surround sound in magnificent clarity…..just once I would love to get close enough, as much as a human can, to capture something of that perfection)
But I digress!
The little messages in obscure ways:
1) I was given a little more responsibility in the kitchen at church.
2) A friend decided to come back to me for her hair. (a choice of NO made a frantic heart scatter emotionally….apparently hair fixing is in order)
3) Artists I respect are coming to watch my show.
4) My ex opened up about certain things I knew but had little evidence of.
5) I realised that the message in church was for me. A while ago ( like 3 years) a confirmation of ‘keep swimming’ was given to me by God. 2 years ago the next God-given message was the ‘tide has turned’. 2 months ago the message ‘I will fix it’ sang loud and clear. Today the message included the words ‘Turning Point’ and the idea that it takes time sometimes for things to turn around to get our breakthrough.
This list of seemingly insignificant things whacked me so hard in my heart I just know that today was my ‘Turning Point’. What that means exactly….I wish I knew. You know that feeling you get when you just know that you know something is up! Well that feeling x10!
All I do know is that if a thankful heart is the vehicle to healing and a drawstring to God’s heart then I will not miss this opportunity to be obedient.(something I mess up a lot…obedience)
My Thankful List:
I am thankful for everything I have been through as it has made me a little (only a little…..lol) stronger and wiser. I have a story to tell even if it is a ‘How not to’ tale. As I have kept swimming like in the rehab dam in Nelspruit I am thrilled that I didn’t quit even if I failed sometimes. One of the hardest lesson’s has been to love myself, good and bad, and not be bowled over by others misconceptions of me. I am thrilled that I do my best to stay honest even if it means busting myself when I have done wrong. I have loved God even when I haven’t liked him much from my small human viewpoint. I am glad that I am clean! I am glad that I try hard to respect and love all people even if they don’t get me. Grateful that 2016 has given me much to think about….to the point of mental exhaustion. I am satisfied that I have never gone hungry for long and have had some really great times in my life. Thankful that God is God and I am not! Thankful for the people who have come and gone and sometimes many times over. I love being me in all my imperfect perfection. Thank you for my gifts and talents and the clients to craft them on.
But most of all thank you God for my life and always hedging me in to protect me from myself. U ROCK! (figuratively and metaphorically and mostly sincerely joyfully)
You see I got so busy doing (swimming)my life I haven’t stopped to take stock of that life. NOW WE WAIT AND SEE WHAT COMES AFTER THE POINT IS TURNED!