Little by little 

‘Beauty for ashes’, ‘Phoenix rising’, ‘clawing your way to the top’, ‘work until you don’t have to introduce yourself’ are phrases that resonate deeply in my core.

How  about you? 

I know I have been guilty of judging a book by it’s cover. It pains me to admit that. But I am working on it! Yes; all too often I have ASSUMED. I am sure many of us have.

It’s late. Sitting in bed, listening to the pitter-patter of rain, I mull over my many misjudgements. It seems that my humanity needs to be addressed often. You?

The truth of my blogging lately has primarily served to let go of things and look at my pitfalls. Tonight however I want to chat a little about sacrifice. Perhaps the sacrifice of giving up judgement being the most necessary of all.

For years I avoided sacrifice because I felt that my history was so riddled by melancholic and frustrated despair. Soooooo giving up more sounded like a really …. idea. Not the despair that is a result from depression.The despair that results from standing in history whilst hoping for the tomorrow that allows the sun in. The light that wisks away cobwebs from shrouded dreams.

Often nepotism misses the opportunity of magnifying the unseen. The unseen in this story, those that don’t package easily.

So often I see the look of doubt in people’s eyes when I try dispel myths regarding my industry…..Hairdressing. As an example: Roughly 20-30% of the world has a warm skintone. This means that most of us should avoid any gold/auburn/copper/bronze tones on our skin as it makes us look drawn. I always advise to aim for cool colours as ALL colour will eventually turn warm. The reason for that is that warm tones exist naturally in your hair….in ALL hair.

But when for reasons of poor knowledge or laziness or lack of experience have fed clients falsehoods,repeatedly,  it makes the truth seem false. Even if it is accurately the truth. Another is…pitch black only suits  very cool pale skins. Other skintones get drowned out and overwhelmed by black, which is why most people feel the need to add a dash of colour or pile on makeup as black can make one look tired. ‘Coca-Cola black’ is better for most. Gold blonde is yellow and an often mistaken misjudgement. My favourite is though the idealogy of “Organic” haircare. Yes one does get organic botanical products but those still need a preservative to avoid clients putting smelly and mouldy expired produce on their hair or skin…think about it….lol. Also molecular size in professional products allow for more active ingredients being compacted into a bottle and better function than cheap-off-the-shelf ‘falsely ‘ marketed beauty care. I always advise when shopping for garments hold it up to your face….if it makes the circles  under your eyes seem more pronounced….it’s wrong even if you LOOOOOOOVE it.

On a radio interview this morning some high flying media person spoke about exactly this. To quote ” South Africans are stupid.” He was referring to the sensationalist story of Gareth Cliff that has turned out to be utter fabrication. He went on to say that our media has lost credibility because none of the facts were researched or verified. Also that each media source then capitalised on this false story and defamed Gareth. He elaborated on the ridiculous messages posted on social media by people who not only don’t know Gareth but also blindly jumped onto the bandwagon of lies.

I know that in my own life I have experienced both sides of this. Foolishly I have been suckered into believing something, never once suspecting underhanded tactics until it was too late. 

You know what i mean? In hairdressing for example an old ploy is to criticise another stylists work to try make an additional sale. Yes sometimes things are wrong and need addressing. Seldom though does the critic try establish the history before making its verdict. 

AND WE ALL HAVE DONE IT….left out parts of a story to make ourselves seem better than we were in a moment of ‘lapse of judgement’. 

Come now let’s keep it REAL!

I have also heard amazing things about myself that I only wish were true as they were elaborate.

So here are some demystifying truths from the horses mouth. Without crying a river of self-pity, I hope that this might inspire you to make the sacrifices you need to reach for your own goals. Hopefully those goals will first and foremost aim at loving others better.

I spent just under 3 years out of the last ten in voluntary rehabilitation to get over my addictive strongholds. No I am not saying that I am healed. But it was tough to give up my career and home etc to get the healing I needed to fight to stay alive. Since then I have had to battle others opinions of history long gone. I have cut every social network out that potentially is dangerous  for me. This means I am lonely more often than not because I cannot drink. There are very few places where alcohol isn’t served openly. Not that liquor was ever my problem. Alcohol, however, is THE gateway drug that can lead to other substances. SO NO I CAN’T DRINK! I can’t go to clubs as that is a very serious trigger. (AND THOSE THAT KNOW ME WELL KNOW THAT I AM A SLAVE  TO A GOOD MIX AND A DANCEFLOOR) Having a religious conviction hardly makes for popularity either…..trust me I have heard every condescending argument regarding faith. And it hurts when the reason for choosing a faith is based not on a book but real life experience. 

To rebuild my life I have had to live in minimal accommodation to keep my overheads low. This sacrifice was made to re-establish myself in the career I adore endlessly. 

To build a portfolio of work to grow a local appreciation of my art is by no means a cheap excerise. The point is that hopefully that body of work will open doors to an international career too. All of this has been done with my own money….and I mean with zero financial backing. Yes I have borrowed bits and pieces here and there but on the strictest conditions to repay it fully. I mean I even have paid interest on my own commission when an advance was necessary to pay photographers etc. One would think the advertising and marketing that all this brings would gladly be met by favourable negotiation. But not!

To make ends meet to compete in my recent competition I basically lived on cereal for a month.Trust me I am not complaining. I did it gladly because the ART had a chance to shine. AND SHONE IT DID!

Kindly, the next time you want to tell somebody something shocking that is opinion based without knowing the facts….let’s just stop and try figure out if whether what we think we know has any validity. 

Every one of us is on a journey. I am doing my best to love and accept yours…please do the same for me. 

So before parents disown their gay kids, or race rejects on skin, or gender wars continue…..let’s take a step back and ask ourselves :’ AM I PERFECT?’…..if not; then can we truly judge….I don’t have my wings yet…..do you?

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