Breathe

Coffee, dark chocolate and ciggies in hand. A home that needs an army to get in order. Exhaustion that burns. In need of a holiday after 4 solid years of working towards goals. Re-adjustment to life post rehab, relapses and all, is tough in the GO GO GO life of Johannesburg. Had I had the money the best option would have been tertiary care, I didn’t so we plodded through, hoping to not completely destroy myself or everything around me. All things considered I am chuffed with myself because I am OK. {Dad (God) I thank you for thinking I am worth it}.  An aching heart. All the emptiness that stares blankly from the end of a relationship screaming, “NOW WHAT!”

In the Netflix must watch movie ‘Today’s Special’ a chef gets passed over for promotion. Through trials he finds his mojo. Although this is a familiar plot it has struck a chord and the Twinsavers came to the rescue. (I am such a giiiiiiiirl sometimes…..lol) Anyhow with my symptoms of a rundown body the movie reminded me of something. 

Mmmmmmmmm……can you guess?

A free spirited character in the movie nonchalantly has reflected just how wound up I am.

So here I am basking in the glow of IT’S OK.

Breathe…12345678910…hold…12345678910…exhale…12345678910.

It’s time for the world to wait! This man is taking a well deserved 2 day break.

Breathe…12345678910…hold…12345678910…exhale…12345678910.

You know that Kit Kat break we grew up with? 

You can cry me a river, the world can come to an end (Dear God please don’t let it…..I am not ready yet), the haters can hate, the lovers can make love, the annoying birds can chirp, the people can kill each other, the vegans can carry on ‘veganising’, the sun can fall from the sky I don’t give a hoot, the politics can continue being a disgrace, the floods can flood (God,  please not), the water can dry up (I hope not, though, I love water), the aliens can abduct  (just not me) and world markets can tumble I am consciously giving myself TIME OUT. 

“THE COMPUTER SAYS NO”

I realised this morning just how far I have moved from actually just having fun. (Don’t panic I am not talking getting trashed….that isn’t fun…..it is seriously hard work battling the mind against the paranoid effects of substances….yes that means alcohol too) I am going to reward myself with taking my time to get the music blaring and get my home/ life and self in order for the next 2 days. So if you dying right now please hold on till Tuesday I am ‘kit kat’ right now. 

I know you feel it too. TOO MUCH, TOO LITTLE, TOO CRAZY, TOO QUIET JUST TOO TOO.

I want to say a generous thanks to all of you because 2016 has been a year filled with incredible conviction. South Africans are taking their place and finding their voice. The overwhelming reflection of the year that has stood out to me is that EACH and EVERYONE has begun to take a stand. CAN YOU FEEL IT?  

I am proud to be a South African right now. People are rising and fighting injustice. Whether it be Paballo ya batho, Panda crew, Knitwits, Mmusi,  NA, local radio playing more SA music or RAK; with increasing measure our tribe is rising up against the odds and winning the sprint in Van Niekerk style.

We are narrowly scraping past JUNK STATUS in the world’s eyes but let me tell you something…..the army that has made its voice vocal against oppression, exploitation and supporting local talent and artisans  is not to scoffed at. SOUTH AFRICA is a country built on a warrior spirit. It is in our DNA. (so we made a few learning curve mistakes….but we are getting better… forgive my mistakes and I have already forgiven you yours)

So as I shut myself down for a day or 2, I just want to remind us all to STOP , TAKE STOCK, AND REMEMBER HOW PHENOMENAL WE ARE AS A NATION.

So if you, like me, need a moment….

Breathe…12345678910…hold…12345678910…exhale…12345678910.

IT’S OK. 

WITH MY COFFEE, DARK CHOCOLATE AND CIGGIES I SO AM DANCING NAKED IN MY LOUNGE…..AND FRANKLY I DON’T CARE…..U CAN’T SEE ME….AND THAT’S THAT. HAVE A SPECTACULAR HOLIDAY IN THE KNOWLEDGE THAT I KNOW THAT 2017 WILL BE BEAUTIFUL AS WE DITCH MORE OF OUR EGO AND GROW EACH OTHER TO GREATER STRENGTHS!!

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