□□□□ hate….just ♡

Penniless and dreaming i could go on an exotic week break. It’s Sunday. January 8 2017. Tears soak my face; relentlessly. My heart wishes it could plummet to silence; permanently. I know this sounds awfully dramatic; trust me it’s mild to say the least. 

Not to harp on a history forgone.  4 years ago nearly to the month, I stepped out of Healing Wings Rehabilitation Centre. I slipped back into mainstream living, plodding my way through every critical judgement. The ONLY thing that has kept me from crumbling completely is the mantra: “God thinks I am worth it!”

PEOPLE ARE CRUEL WHEN WE DON’T FIT NEATLY INTO THEIR COMFORTABLE PERCEPTIONS.

I have failed in many things. But which I am most proud of is my ability to forgive and even try love through pain. 

As an example: 

I was seeing a guy by the name of EN. After 2 years he came up to me and said these words:” Arion I am not sure if it is you that makes it so comfortable for me sexually but in order for me to know I need to have sex with others.” My predicament was this….if I said NO it would prove that my love was shallow and self-serving. Saying YES meant pain more than I had ever experienced at that point in my life; but it meant a possible deepening of the relationship. So as I literally felt my heart break I said,”Yes.” The relationship ended 6 months later. 

EVERYTHING BEGINS WITH TAKING STOCK, UNDERSTANDING THAT WE ARE ALL FLAWED, FORGIVING THE BEHAVIOURS AND CHOOSING TO TRY LOVE THROUGH THE ANGUISH.

YOU SEE LOVE DOES NOT FORCE ANOTHER TO LOVE. IT DOES NOT CONTROL. AND IT CERTAINLY DOES NOT MANIPULATE. 

Since then I became a Christian. Please I wish I was a shining example of my particular faith but I am truly a simple sinner who is learning through my failings. NOTHING MORE NOTHING LESS.

However…..

As I sit in my bed, (in my birthday suit….it is a metaphorical exercise of being on official leave day 1) I cannot help feel an overwhelming sense of obligation to kick against the anxiety of 2016. An anxiety that most I speak to feel. An anxiety that looms in what will 2017 yield?

Those that have read my previous blogs will know that I was born with the gift of prophecy (i.e psychic). Unfortunately it is not the type that I at free will can harness to read into the lives of others. It happens to me free nilly. No it’s nothing dark and sinister like the movies….although sometimes it is heartbreaking. 

But, consistently, each year I get a sense of the coming year. This is the inspiration for this blog.

BECAUSE I DO BELIEVE IN GOD AND CANNOT LIVE A LIFE SEPARATE OF HIM…LEST  I WANT TO POUR DESTRUCTION ON MYSELF….I HAVE TO STATE THAT IT IS BECAUSE I BELIEVE HE IS WHO HE IS AND HE DOES AS HE EXPECTS US TO DO… (even though he knows we may fail in our limitations)

THIS IS NOT A RELIGIOUS POST!!! HUMANITY AND FAITH ARE INTERWOVEN FOR ME.

THIS IS A POST ABOUT CHARACTER.

Throughout history whenever a nation has raised itself above others it becomes proud and soon after it is conquered. GO CHECK IT OUT FOR YOURSELF. THE PATTERN IS PRETTY OBVIOUS.

In the words of Martin Luther King Junior…..

HENCE MY TEARS AND BROKEN HEART TODAY….

I have been sprinting so hard through all my stuff over the last 4 years that every hurt,given and taken, has hurtled itself down on my consciousness like Krakatoa of 1883…emotional lava hits me wave after wave rendering me helpless to not even bother to put clothes on….I mean what for…? 

In the character of an incredibly merciful GOD I have stood up and loved over and over and over. As a hairstylist I am bound to it. I cannot do my best work on people who have little regard for me or my work. I have recently had to let some clients go who thought it OK to not pitch for appointments & not apologise but demand flawlessness regardless, and/or even trust a process that no man can alter….science is science baby…like gravity exists. AFTER ALL HAIRDRESSING IS WHAT KEEPS FOOD ON THE TABLE….AND TRUST ME IF YOU SAW THE LITTLE THAT I HAVE YOU WOULD KNOW THAT I AM NOT LAVISH BY ANY STRETCH OF THE IMAGINATION. EXCEPT IN MY LOVE OF OTHERS.

So waking up to day 2 of non-stop rains in Johannesburg naked, overwhelmed and beside myself with the thought of…IF THIS WAS MY LAST DAY ON EARTH WOULD I BE ABLE TO SAY THAT I TRIED TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!! 

SO HERE IT IS…..

VIDEO 1…..THIS IS OUR ONLY PLANET!

I KNOW THIS IS HARD-HITTING STUFF BUT IS IT WORTH CONTINUING AS WE HAVE EXPECTING A DIFFERENT RESULT? SOME CALL THIS THE DEFINITION OF INSANITY. ARE WE REALLY GOING TO LET 2017 BE MUCH OF THE SAME?

I have a long way to go but the last 4 years have shown me that I can and will survive by scaling down so that I am less burdened for the benefit of loving others more deeply…with me being present and from my pocket. Yes I have made mistakes…and I hate myself for them but I am trying…REALLY TRYING!

SO IF YOU ARE WONDERING, AND I AM SURE YOU ARE, WHERE IS THIS ALL GOING…..?

TAKE A LOOK AT THIS NEXT SPEECH!

THIS SPEECH IS ARGUABLY QUOTED AS THE BEST SPEECH EVER GIVEN…what do you think?

VIDEO 2…WE ONLY HAVE EACHOTHER {AND GOD OF COURSE}

RECENTLY A CALL TO PRAYER HAS BEEN PUT OUT BY VARIOUS FAITH LEADERS AS THE WORLD HAS TAKEN A DARK TURN. AT THIS TIME, MORE THAN IN OUR HISTORY, PEOPLE ARE ENSLAVED TO VARIOUS ADDICTIONS FROM SEX TO SELF-LOATHING TO MONEY TO POWER.

OUR MEDIA INDUSTRY IS PUNTING PERFECTION, BUSINESS IS NEPOTISM EXEMPLIFIED, POLITICS IS OFF THE CHARTS OUT OF TOUCH OF THE PEOPLE, RACISM, SEXISM, EGOISM, MONEY, CLASS, STATUS & EVEN FASHION IS THRUST AS A MEANS OF EXCLUDING PEOPLE UNLIKE EVER BEFORE…..ASK AROUND AND YOU WILL DISCOVER THAT THIS IS THE TRUTH!

The greatest lesson for me in my particular faith is this…..this is the crux of the matter for me….yes I am a Christian so obviously my reference is my faith….yours may be different….

I learnt a while ago that what makes GOD so merciful is that for our mistakes he put himself on the cross. This is like a parent punishing themselves for not teaching their kids to be better disciplined. This is why I am in constant anguish as I know that everytime I do something wrong I am in fact allowing GOD to be tortured on my behalf. I wish I was perfect so as to avoid HIM being hurt anymore for my humanity. 

YOU GET IT. GOD CHOOSES US EVERYTIME….even when we don’t. This is why I am compelled  to love others even when they need to sex-with-others-and-it-means-i-lose……

There is a point though….where if we will not learn our lessons….TOUGH LOVE KICKS IN. Tough love is not an instrument of harm but a loving hand to show us the error of our choices. 

TRUST ME I STILL AM IN THAT HAND OF TOUGH LOVE….REHAB WAS NO JOKE AND LIFE EVEN LESS.

Through it all….I would not change a thing….

So as I wipe away the heaviness in my own heart and look up for forgiveness knowing that GOD conquered everything that holds us captive and lost; this is what I believe 2017 is going to be about…

Economists think that the 1st 8-10 months of 2017 will be rougher than 2016….

This concurs with what I sense….

2017 IS THE YEAR OF GETTING BACK TO REAL BASICS….

• OLD-FASHIONED CARING FOR EACHOTHER

• LETTING GO OF INDULGENCE 

• CLEANING UP OUR ACTS

•EATING CLEAN/ LIVING CLEAN

• ACKNOWLEDGING OUR WEAKNESS AND GETTING INTO SUPPORT STRUCTURES TO HELP US BREAK THE PATTERNS OF DYSFUNCTIONAL BEHAVIOURS

• RELATIONSHIP’S BECOMING MORE VULNERABLE AND LOVING

•BUSINESS BECOMING MORE LOCALLY FOCUSED AND SUPPORTIVE OF ARTISANS

•PEOPLE UNITING TO JOINTLY ACHIEVE MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL GOALS

I feel that with greater consciousness that the voices that fight for truth, value and kindness will fight and those that stand for self-gain will increasingly be exposed and brought to book….
LET’S SEE IN 2018 IF WHAT I FEEL TURNS OUT TO BE TRUE OR SIMPLE EMOTIONAL DRIVEL ON MY PART…

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7 thoughts on “□□□□ hate….just ♡

  1. Excellent You are inspirational. I have seen your work and heard very kind things from people and a client of yours. God is good and loves all his children. What a blessing to read your article (Blog). God bless you xx

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  2. Bring this dream to reality it requires discipline , but you are the only person I know who can achieve this .Don’t ruin this destiny it’s a guiding light , I will always help where I can ..we love and respect you and this G-D given talent of yours , don’t let it go , let it be noticed in this world .
    Ar get in touch with Warren …I’m just his friend but it may be nice for you .He can take you for a good meal .
    He is wondering when and if he will hear from you .
    Don’t mention me if you do and I gather you respected my enjoyment fase of him I went through , so thank you my gentle , Refined , superb Arion

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  3. Arion has a talent that is admirable and one that I am in awe of , this is G-D given .

    He is also a very special soul who sees beauty in everybody , let there be an argument , he will still call upon your beauty .

    Much much love and respect to a dear friend, best hairdresser , “THANK THE HEAVENS ” who I am blessed to know ,
    ELLA GLAZER

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