The flicker of a candle casts the feather’s shadow onto the ceiling of my new home. So too does it dance reflecting off the ice bucket. With ambient music playing in the background, I soak it all in. Besides the bathroom everything is as good as I can get it for now.
My heart takes a deep breath blown away by this magical moment. I AM HOME!!! Even though every part of me hurts it is worth it. Something that stands out for me in my little space is the style of the artist that is evolving.
I may not have everything I desire but the magic in my home is so tangible that i almost feel transcendent.
With a bowl of soup in hand and tears of relief I smile at the idea of inviting someone over to experience what I am. Its not often that ones stumbles , quite accidentally I might add, onto peace that is truly glorious and not a little eery. WELL THAT IS MY HOME! UNPRETENTIOUS! UNEXAGGERATED! UNTRADITIONAL!
I just didn’t know how much strain I was taking in my old home. Even though I felt sad for the burglars for having to resort to crime it still took a toll on my sanity.
I always was on guard. Even when I was chilling it was an unrelaxed type of chill. So much of what I planned was lost , by default because of internalizing my stuff and then redirecting that anxiety in a less than self-loving kind of way.
MY LITTLE PIECE OF MAGIC
This is the inspiration for the blog.
A few weeks ago I was teetering on the edge of suicide. A lot happened in a short space of time and the world wants it’s pound of flesh….unrelentingly. Although I face a mountain of financial obligations the thing that amazes me is that beauty does come at the end of trials.
It started with some clients and friends helping not only in a financial way but reminding me that sometimes yucky stuff happens to grow us.
I AM SITTING IN IT.
I am no master of life but I do know one thing very well is that if we choose to love even in our hurt love does come back in surprising and breathtaking ways.
I worked on Miss SA 2017 today, my home is a joy, back in studio with Real Health tomorrow and an interview with the Hairdresser’s Journal SA are testimony to love existing.
After my breakup with what possibly is the person I have loved the most in this life…. I forgot that I am important too. It has always been easier for me to love another than myself.
But as I look at what the artist in me has created in my home I am glad that I didn’t go through with ‘offing’ myself.
With makeup brushes cleansed and disinfected for tomorrow’s studio session; I am only to happy to get some shut eye…..shut eye knowing that in spite of my character flaws I have a heart that finds it way back to love…. EVERYTIME.
SO JUST REMEMBER WHEN THE TOUGH STUFF HAPPENS, REMEMBER IT IS OK TO FALL APART A LITTLE….BUT TO BE OPEN TO THE FACT THAT LOVE IS MAKING A PLAN, SOMEWAY, SOMEHOW.
I pray that every heart that reads this will have a fresher version of true love imprinted on their hearts that they might know that they are NEVER alone.