LIVE LET GO LEARN
Such sound advice rolls off the tongue rather easily. But so often what I desire for others I struggle to action myself. As hectic as it sounds, I still, at the near tender but sexy age of 43 feel that when it comes to myself I don’t think that I am worth fussing over too much.
I guess that is the old inferiority complex that has carved well worn neuro paths in my brain. But who knows. The problem is this….too often I shoot myself in the foot to keep others happy….aaargh. Eish!
Tonight, however, arriving home and putting my feet up was a bit of a novelty. With tea and my new favourite ambient chillout music mix, and dimmed lights I could just be. Even though I hate cooking for myself, I did. I wish eating wasn’t a necessary thing of survival. I mean you slave in the kitchen…gobble it down in seconds flat and then the washing up still has to happen. And because I like my own cooking, takeaways are a tough call….always too this or too that. And I really am not a fussy eater.
Anyhow as I ate I thought about this calm home, the last few months, the people in it and the world we ALL live in.
When did we become so demanding of each other thinking we were being inspirationally uplifting?
Why I say this is that people seem attached to an expected outcome for another’s experience.
Like for example I heard this phrase:” When will she just get over it?” “It is going on for 6 months…I mean just move on”
In some cultures it is appropriate to grieve for a year. So why the ….. do we pressurize each other with our goals for that person’s experience, whatever it may be.
I must confess that lately I have tried to meet people…but unfortunately I seem to be looking for connections all incorrectly. I have a tendency to hope that unlikely situations will yield surprising results. Yes yes yes I am a hopeless romantic.
The truth is however…. nobody is my ex.
So in my quiet place I allowed myself to feel the hollow of yearning. OK I will confess another thing. Because I don’t want to be a stalker or harass my ex; ( toooooo much); I have hoped that quite accidentally on purpose I might run into him. Stupid I know! But certainly better than plunging myself, all Shakespearian like, at his front gate begging for more time. I did beg, repeatedly, for more time.
So yes I can convincingly say I am truly shattered and heartbroken.
But in my defense I loved this person with every ounce of my being. So give a guy a break for not being himself in a mere 5 months. Trust me I am trying hard! I might add that I still am in love with every other person I had a relationship with too. It’s crazy but that is just how I am wired.
In my interview with the fabulous Jassy of the Hairdressers Journal SA today, the point of what lies ahead for me for 2017 as the TWINCARE HSOTY winner came up.
With my haddock and veggies on my plate I reassured my self that it is OK to make 2017 a selfish year.
I have given all I have to give to others. Now the world can just wait it’s turn as I give myself a moment to recuperate, recharge and refuel.
Live, Let go, learn.
So please don’t be alarmed if I don’t kill myself to meet your needs over mine….for a while! For a bit its my turn to nurture me back to who I want to be. I need to move on….what’s gone is gone and what will be will be!
YOU OK WITH THAT?
And that’s also OK, if you’re not!