Every cloud; Every lining

To quote from Shani Krebs book ‘Dragons & Butterflies’:” I wanted to better myself as a person. I tried not to think to far into the future, because anything between now and then might never happen, but neither would I allow myself to dwell on the past. My attention was focused on the now. Every day was a new day and every day was filled with new challenges. True happiness, I was discovering, comes from within. I was also content with the little that I had.”

In my ‘ Big Fat Greek wedding 2’….by default Dad is out to prove his ancestry. I love the humanity in this story. I found myself switching from tears to laughter repeatedly. But a line from the script touched that place that has been left hollow more than filled….” When someone has been around so long that you begin to think of your shadow as two people.” ( I hope I quoted it sort of correctly… Lol)

On FB someone posted how they have been unlucky in love but struck the lotto in family. 

I guess that if I am really honest I haven’t been too lucky in either. 

But each of our journey is uniquely our own and we must own it as such.

But I got thinking, as I have many times in my life, why? The only answer that sits with any reasonable conviction in my heart is that the more free one is the more freely we can give of ourselves. Yes it hurts like hell when things fail and you only have yourself to turn to because others don’t understand fully. But it is also a relief, sometimes just sometimes, to not have to regale events that make you want to be swallowed up whole.

Learning, as I still continue to do, that I am exclusively responsible for how I react to the events/ life/ people/ God throw at me infuriates me. And I guess toughens me up too. It’s nice to blame shift and weasel out of feeling/ dealing with the consequence. But anyhow deal we must!

The trick is not to become cynical and cold-hearted. It’s hard really hard not to sometimes.

With my gorgeous neighbour downstairs having a braai with his family, I am nostalgic. There were times when my own family hung out harmoniously.

This healing soulful moment is perfect, I guess. Few distraction’s few influence’s. Being a hairstylist and makeup artist; our lives are surrounded by the whims of other’s. It gets tough to know what is your voice and what is theirs. So a bit of peace should be welcome…but for the ADHD in me it is mild torture and serious graft. 

Perhaps it is true that our deepest happiness comes from within but even better if shared with our ‘shadow of two.’

My day will come…I hope!



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