The Road Ahead

There are some of us that have an inkling of how we might die one day. As morbid and terrifying as it sounds, it is a bit of a peaceful relief because we did it to ourselves like possible cancer because we smoke. Well unless one gets taken out by unnatural or NATURE causes before then. 

I DON’T KNOW WHY TODAY IS THE DAY THAT I MUST WRITE ABOUT THIS. RELUCTANTLY BUT INTRIGUED I AM.

( Because of my own safety I will keep you guessing at what my own personal thing is)

Since November 2007 I have had to take medication to keep my own symptoms at bay. So every time I choose to take or not take my medication, it is a choice of life or death. Admittedly I do choose death sometimes. Thankfully though I come to my senses real quick and get my A-game back in tow.

I wish that I was less affected by God, life and people but I am not. The perfectionist in me wishes i was flawless….buuuuuut i am not. Human i am unfortunately or fortunately!!!! ( often it depends on what is going on with me…..lol)

 It is particularly ‘off-pissing’ when perfectly good lives are squandered aimlessly on acquiring things we cannot take to our graves. (Yes I am preachy today, and myself included.)

At nearly 43 ( they say its the new 21….god forbid) I have made my share of grave mistakes…..some of which will ultimately be the death of me…for real. I guess this is why I am pushing myself so hard to not only catch up but not live by the pessimists who say I can’t.

I WILL AND HAVE DONE ALREADY.

(SORRY, I KNOW I AM BEING VAGUE BUT MY OWN INNER CIRCLE HAS ADVISED ME TO NOT REVEAL TOOOOOO MUCH….SO SOUND ADVICE I MUST TAKE.)

On this Tuesday 7 February 2017….

7 days before Valentine’s Day…

I BEG:

Husbands embarrass your wife everyday at work with flowers, chocolates, handcuffs and or massage oil or whatever takes your whim. (WITHIN REASON….LOL)

Be romantic!!!

Wives send and delete those naughty you know what what’s.

Children spoil your parents….and maybe plan a Valentine’s family picnic in the garden for a change…private and personal.

ANYHOW…

At my FG meeting last night seeing 2 GREATS in action I was reminded that….screw it….life is too short for dull, dreary and predictable. Life is toooooo short to only show inconvenient but playful affection on 1 day.

I have ranted often about the struggles of my faith and my humanity. But gladly, I know that being open and like the ‘self-busting’ criminal on the cross next to Jesus I might have a shot at making it home one day.

But in the meantime…. 

Take it from the mouth of an old friend I haven’t seen in years… a story I will never forget.

Roughly quoted:  ‘ I never thought that at the age of 65 I would meet the love of my life. Even though I only had 5 wonderful years with him, he taught me so much about love, life and myself. It was with him I realised how watching someone eat can be deeply sexual. Often I would watch him working in the garden….he was a strong determined man….I never knew that love could be so real.’

Thelma ( wherever you are) everytime I remember  you telling that story and seeing your eyes light up and speech sing like music, I am reminded that the only thing that matters really is the way we love each other.

MAKE AMENDS!!!!

I’LL GO FIRST….

TO EACH AND EVERYONE I EVER LET DOWN, HURT DELIBERATELY OR OTHERWISE, MANIPULATED, LIED TO, DENIED, AND EVERY OTHER BAD THING I DID… PLEASE FORGIVE ME….I WAS AND AM AN IDIOT SOMETIMES.

If you were to ‘go’ today could you honestly say that the lives you have touched are richer (in love) for it?

Can we truly say that we poured every ounce into creating a life we are glad to hand over to children’s children?

IF NOT….. IN THE WORDS OF MY BOSS STOFFEL AND FRIKKIE DE JAGER…’ TAKE A CHANCE….GO FOR IT….OR SETTLE FOR ORDINARY!!!!’

I DID AND AM…IT HURTS LIKE HELL SOMETIMES BUT I WOULDN’T CHANGE A THING…

My HSOTY win has shown me that its OK to love yourself just enough to give yourself a chance at reaching for your dreams.

MY DREAM….IS THAT NOBODY EVER HAS TO GO THROUGH THE THINGS I HAVE.(and often on my own.)

‘FRIEND’ WILL BE A PLACE THAT SOME GOOD OLD-SCHOOL HUG’S AND EMPATHY WILL WIPE SOME OF THE DISAPPOINTMENTS OF LIFE AWAY.

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