Since leaving Healing Wings Rehab in 2012, life is different. Even in my failures! A phrase that was often a mantra in rehab is: “Sin/addiction/bad choices/bad behaviour will NEVER taste so sweet again.”
I used to brush that statement off. Over the last 4 years I have to admit that I was wrong. Somehow by working the program has rendered me dissatisfied with parts of life I used to enjoy. I liked thinking of myself as a rebel and a bit hardcore. I REALLY AM NOT.
SOMETIMES, OVER THE PAST FEW YEARS I HAVE HAD TO SIMPLY CUT MYSELF OUT OF SITUATIONS TO AVOID POTENTIAL TROUBLE.
I even have to avoid family and industry social events because alcohol is readily consumed. It gets boring and one feels quite arb constantly saying,”No I don’t drink….actually I can’t drink. I am a recovering addict.” It gets annoying when people say have just one drink or you don’t have to drink….yeeeeees right, drunk or otherwise people are so much fun! Besides one is far more brave doing silly things sober…..just saying!
So as Step 11 chats about is that one has to cut oneself off from dangerous people, things and places until a more supportive sober circle is found. This has been the lonely tug-of-war I have been in for 4 years. The risk and reward is that one learns to stand alone firmly resolved to be better or fail. What’s surprising is that by allowing myself the time to DO ME, I am finding that naturally and instinctively I gravitate to better life practices. I think this is true for all of us…..our hearts, minds and spirits all yearn for goodness. Our natures, however, are highly susceptible to influence.
Learning to love oneself in the face of being unpopular is the journey to unbecoming our learnt behaviours.
When I listen to the stories of others still on the ‘jol’ I quickly realise that it is the exact same nonsense of yesteryear. Really there is no need for FOMO….the same conversations, same ducking and diving consequences, same cover-up stories and the same disasters. Interestingly; debauchery is as old as prostitution and self-loathing. So behaving badly makes us exactly the same COPYCAT as those before us.
I am grateful for the Bible and the 12 Step program that can systemically help us evaluate, admit and progressively heal from negative patterns. It should be part in parcel with Social Development schooling programs and or all business structures. Happy people are more productive people.
Once we have taken an honest look at ourselves, first, we then have the responsibility to reach out…..
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts (I prefer to say ALL people), and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Besides sexual diseases…..lol…..SHARING IS CARING! We can only keep what we have by giving it away.
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED THAT THE THINGS YOU HANG ONTO ONE LOSES OR CONTROLS YOU?
I have learnt that when we live in our poor self-esteem we tend to be cruel and unkind….and over-compensate by people pleasing as a way of masking our dissatisfaction of self, which in turn increases our negative self-talk and drags us deeper into dissatisfaction. Each cycle drags us deeper until eventually we are something we don’t want to be.
Another way of saying;’The truth will set you free,’ is:
Be your beautiful self. Stay Honest.