I remember being caught up in a rip tide in the gorgeous Mozambique ocean. The day was sweltering hot. Even though we had been warned of rough seas, the guys and I went seeking a dip after a long walk through the forest coastline. It looked fine. Before I knew it I was stuck swimming for dear life, being pulled every which way. I really thought that my time had come. Even though I was being told not to panic, I did. Eventually a brave guy came and helped me to get out so that I could swim to shore. I am a good swimmer. I grew up at the coast after all.
I used to sit at the beach on the Bluff and just try grasp the magnitude of the ocean. The crashing waves. Little crabs burying themselves in the shore. The frothy water serenely flowing back into the water for the next movement. It is much like life.
I read my blog ‘Flower in my Hand’ over and over yesterday. And again this morning. I wondered what was up. I could tell that something was obviously changing. I knew I wanted to tackle how I went about my hairdressing career differently because the desire to study further dawned suddenly. In truth I was reminded that I actually wanted to study the subject years ago but I didn’t think I was good enough. I guess that comes from a history of being told you can’t.
I sat crying because things have been rough and I didn’t want to let go of this NEW thing again. I must give it a shot! Motivated to find a solution I set FB on my personal ‘Arion Bezuidenhout’ profile alight….quite innocently I might add. I wanted to present a marketing promo to my boss but I needed some information first. I had already presented one but felt that it might not have the desired financial result. I needed to know how people were spending their money so as to know what best way to create a win win situation for the client, my boss and my future studies before i put together a plan. Anyhow, I prayed for honesty on the survey but also useful insight. I got both.
I have always loved learning and expanding my horizons. In the process of questioning things for certain outcomes I realised that my shore was changing. In fact it changed so rapidly that I feel like I am back in that rip tide. But shifting my focus from problem focused to solution focused I remembered to acknowledge that my survival instinct is strong.
We become what we think we are?
I don’t think that I am the most intelligent person but I also don’t think that I am completely stupid either. But for sooooooo long I have acted insane… ‘Repeating the same behaviour expecting a different result.’ I needed a bit of help in my rip tide so that I could catch a wave to shore and to find ‘my spot’. I need to take the personal journey of growth that is sharpening me to get up off the floor.
So as I break my own conformist behaviour and Step out even in my weakness the gratitude I remind myself of is that I didn’t quit.
I am going to reach one more time to catch the dream of a boy sitting on the beach in the sun. To catch the dream of a boy that has remembered that every dusk has a dawn. To catch the dream of a boy that just wants to know if he can.
The dream of a boy that lays inked in a private journal. The dream that he hopes to bring to life.
Stay your beautiful self!