Forced

There is something so special about Easter 2017. Not only will I remember, always, that it is my first Easter as my own boss but too that I got pink-eye. I know this sounds a little wierd. But think about it for a second from a unique gift point of view. Aside from the humour that I have a ‘one eye’ view; I am blessed to be forced to do as little as possible. I can’t handle bright light so living behind drawn blinds and curtains appeases the sting in my eye. I look all ‘vampirish’…..lol. Obviously the ‘mooty’ is doing its thing and forcing the eye to shut to heal. I mean I even have to type this blog with my phone angled away from my bloodshot eye to avoid direct light shining into it. It’s kinda ‘eina’. 

I don’t pocess a TV. Even if I did I couldn’t watch it as it would hurt  And reading is proving difficult too. Besides packing laundry away my home is clean, so that can’t be used as a distraction. 

It is rather quiet. But the noisy Rivonia road is a friendly reminder that the world is busy.  Being right next to the gym is an endless source of antagonism that I need to eventually adopt a fit lifestyle.

So resistance fails!

As I write my blog I am reminded by being forced to chill. And CHILLING does not come easy for me. You know the type, busy being busy. 

Taking advantage of my circumstance I did a little bit of mind-mapping. I realised that unless I put a clear set of goals in place I would wonder aimlessly in the world. There is something almost spiritual about a mind-map. Tamed are the nagging fears of self-doubt and replaced by a still reassurance that one can if we really try hard. Also because my map is priority controlled I will be able to focus on ‘the next thing’ and achieve it. But don’t for one second underestimate that I haven’t prayed and expect the plan to be influenced by the noise out there.

My mind-map has helped me identify areas of weakness in me but also given me the ammunition of my strengths. I am fully in love of all of me both sides of the coin. 

One of the things that has stood out in my map is the force of love. I know we each have different driving forces. My biggest motivator is others. I LOVE PEOPLE. So spending my days hanging out and doing some hair and makeup is seriously fun. Yes, there are those that think that they are so fab that they are anything but human. They serve as a reminder of what not to be. Luckily for me I attract the most incredible people to myself. The real, genuine and remarkable ones. So my corner little business is a laugh a minute that usually attracts a lot of curious looks. 

YES IF WE GIVE LOVE, NSA, IT COMES BACK WITH SUCH A FORCE THAT SOMETIMES IT JUST LEAVES YOU STARTLED AND IN AWE. YOU KNOW WHEN YOU HAVE ATTACHED A PRICE FOR YOUR LOVE WHEN YOU TAKE IT AS A PERSONAL INJURY WHEN IT IS NOT RECIPROCAL.

Going back to ‘fully in love with me’, warts and all, the one thing that has oft got me into deep water is my inability to bridal my anger. For years I thought of anger as bad. But from both religious and psychological point of views anger in the right way is just. And anger can be used as the energy to propel us forward by proving our haters wrong.

SELF-LOATHING AND SELF-PITY ARE SUCH DESTRUCTIVE FORCES. BEFORE YOU KNOW IT YEARS HAVE GONE BY AND AT 43 YOU WONDER WHY IT TOOK SO LONG TO CHANGE YOUR MIND. 

STEP 3 OF THE ‘SPIRITUALITY OF BEING HUMAN’ teaches about being an active productive citizen on our planet.

Finally I am allowing myself the self-love to stop the impossible fitting in. Using the anger of injustice of unjust scales to propel me to stand for the cause of LOVE.

YES LOVE IS NOT ONLY A CAUSE BUT IT’S WHAT THE WHOLE WORLD WANTS WITH LITTLE EXPERIENCE ON HOW TO GIVE.

So you see my days of just loving others and going a bit of hair and makeup has given me the perfect gift to plot a map on how I want to go, where I want to and what I need to do to go. 

All in the silence!!!

STAY YOUR AMAZING SELF! 

❀ 

β€’ AJB β€’ 

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