BABY IS BLUE

It’s like Paris! In the home of Ella that delights the artist me, I lay in bed and the tears don’t want to come. But they are there threatening to bring all of me to a last closure. 

The last week’s have been a shock and horror in the most disruptive way. I let go of holding onto my ex….as a friend. IT IS SO HARD TO SAY GOODBYE  But it had to be done if I was going to preserve myself and or my new business.

It has always been hard for me to say goodbye to a moment. Whether it be a long number of years moment or a moment that happens in a look.

But it is over. 

What’s left is the hollowness that threatens the existence of romance. 

After a moment of mourning , life went back to usual. 

BUT…..

Mark arrived like a gift in the most breathtaking way. 

It was Tuesday last week. I woke at 12. Angry I might add. It was evident that I didn’t have smokes to see me through till the morning. Sleep was not going to happen. So chatting on social-media I took myself off to the garage for smokes.

I agreed for Mark to come over for company. I expected it to be a diversion from my irritation at not being able to sleep. 

We chatted…all very ‘life stuff’; pretty normal. It was the change towards spiritual things that suddenly fluffed my tail feathers. A moment later a potential love was set alight.

You know THAT moment where two people are aware that somethings up, quite unexpectedly.

I don’t experience those kind of mutually reciprocal  moments often. 

The moment ended and angry that it was stolen away I went to find a conclusion to a violent  heart. It went on for days.

Finally after being robbed (minor details) and nothing but a deeply saddened heart in this gorgorgeous Paris styled home, I began the arduous decline to normality. IT WAS ROUGH!!! 

It was hectic for my friend whom I now can say is my official best female friend. I don’t give those titles to just anybody. But after this week I now know I have found my own human angel. 

WITH AN HOUR TO GO TO FACE THE WORLD….I AM TERRIFIED TO LOOK INTO THE DISAPPOINTED EYES OF PEOPLE I LOVE.

The pressure is on to save the day! To be exact I have to make a whole month happen in two weeks. It can be done and by the grace of God it shall be. 

THINGS MUST CHANGE.

Admittedly I have kept people at a safe distance so as to protect them from my monster, me from theirs and avoiding to have to say no. I am a prople-pleaser after-all.

But it is exactly this that must change. I have to allow people deeply into my life so as too avoid the boredom that comes from isolation.

I mean even good guys will go slightly mad if too much of one’s own company is had. 

WE ALL NEED PEOPLE!!!!!

STAY YOUR AMAZING SELF!

❤ 

• AJB • 

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