Clamoring up the 2 flights of stairs he scavengers the keys from its secret hiding place. Gratefully only the security gate is locked. Kicking his bronze Zara pumps to the side he slips himself into comfy track and pants. Concerned he quickly plugs his Samsung into its charging port. He has decided that something frivolous on Netflix is what’s the order of the day to lull a slowly recovering spirit too sleep; but not after a bit of tlc blogging. He whips a gorgeous supper into shape, giggling as he realises that it’s shape he desperately needs both figuratively and emotionally.
Lotus meditative music dissipates the angst of the day as the room warms. Alone he is safe again. He loves people but the inability to know what they will bring to a moment is both exhilarating but profoundly disconcerting. Often he wonders what really goes on in the minds behind the carefully selected words he hears in a day. Are they sincere?
Replaying the last few days events through his mind and in particular two conversations with Vicki and Janice he is grateful that he indeed knows some pretty mind boggling amazing people.
A quote from a friend has reminded him that simply life is what we make of it, and that he needs to break a cycle that keeps him on the lower rungs of a ladder he should by all intensive purposes own by now. Or so he is told.
Big promises and empty deliveries have shown him that what comes around goes around.
HE GULPS HIS DINNER DOWN….
HE LET’S THE FEAR WASH AWAY FROM HIM.
HE GETS INTO HIMSELF.
I look around and smile at the place I call home….uncluttered, simple but refreshing as it is mine. The heart of an artist lives here.
I smile as there is no harm in my heart. It is a simple heart that seeks to love as purely as it can. It is a heart preyed upon. It is a heart that oft reels the hard, callous & broken persona’s off its tracks and as it is said:” I really thought people like you didn’t exist anymore.”
Slowly I filter the list of people whom need to leave my life to make room for the true beauty I want it to be filled with. NO MORE DRAINING MYSELF TO MAKE OTHERS FEEL SATISFIED. IT’S 100/100 BABY….or nothing at all.
It’s been so long since I simply let me be me without trying to keep this one happy or that one happy; or even to appease the insecurities in myself that I almost feel guilty that I am not being a puppet on string to be instructed on which dance to perform for the moment.
HE DECIDES TO FORGIVE HIMSELF FOR HIS MESSES.
HE DECIDES TO FORGIVE HIMSELF.
F O R G I V E H I M S E L F
F O R G I V E
no he is not negating consequence; but merely taking a deep lotus breath and imagining himself dripping in bronzed liquid that fills his heart with agape love.
He allows himself to be a purpose in a time like this; first for himself.
I decide to LET IT JUST B SLIPT
STAY YOUR AMAZING SELF!
• AJB •