It’s Sat 3 June 16:40…..
The winter chill is ever so present, but I can sit on the stoep comfortably sipping tea over peanut toast banting bread. The Orchids are slurping up their ‘for long life’ recommended ice-blocks. It’s been 6 weeks and they are flourishing resplendently. My ‘Peace in the Home’ ground cover, too, seems to have adjusted to its new Morningside patio residence.
I watch the cars scurry along Rivonia road and sigh that it’s the end of a fabulous but gruelling week. It hasn’t been easy coping with a tired body unwilling to jump out of the cake until it is ready. So too, has it been tough putting into place boundaries that are necessary for positive healing to happen.
YES…I HAVE DONE WHAT IS NECESSARY AND IT’S FLIPPING EINA.
I have, just 4 months ago, begun to taste the freedom of being self-employed. It’s hard to hand over my bank card so as to limit my access to money. Until I have caught my mess up it is both wise and responsible. I don’t want people to think that I don’t sweat trying to be honourable even in my failings. In truth I have to turn a month of work into paying for 2 months expenses.
It’s both doable and still moderately easily. But it does mean I have to practice extreme vigilance and sacrifice. Both concepts of which do not come easily for a guy who feels that he has paid for every indiscretion many times over. Some people seem to float by getting away with much. Like buying a garment, wearing it for a night and then returning it the next day for a refund. I just can’t. I am the sucker who will buy it and rather give it away than blatantly cheat a system. WHICH MEANS, THAT MANY TIMES I HAVE TAKEN BOTH SELF-INFLICTED AND NON ON THE CHIN.
I saw the pink balloon pressing a way out of the opalescent cover today and immediately related.
I know right? Sometimes I just think the universe likes to poke fun at me; even metaphorically.
☆ceiling…sense of being stuck/hurdle
☆opaque….can see further but struggling to reach beyond
☆balloon….potential to rise
Many conversations later filtering through my mind as the gold dusk filters the ambience of this afternoon, I can only acknowledge that being an adult is not for the faint-hearted. My payment plans are actioned. My self-contained freedom actioned. Getting back to basics actioned.
It’s easy to make mistakes but gosh is it a stretch to drag my inner brat towards the starting line to enter the race. A race I should’ve, could’ve and would’ve if I wasn’t such a stubborn brat who fell in love. A race I needed to start 5 years ago. A race that is about beating into submission the happy-go-lucky in me and creating a space for the achiever in me to create the platform to go lucky.
AS A STYLIST I HAVE LEARNT THAT IN ORDER TO BEND THE RULES EFFECTIVELY ONE FIRST NEEDS TO KNOW THE RULES.
so one day at a time…one client at a time and a bit of luck on my side I may just make it to fix the consequences of a luck that brings blessing at the end of its lesson.
Stay your amazing self!
• AJB •