The fearful step

Have you ever felt frightfully inadequate?

I remember the first time I ever went into a ‘fancy-schmancy’ restuarant. Things were so wierd. My imagination was vomiting inside of me. Snails…fungi….soil….rabbit….liver! How could people eat this stuff? So many forks, and what kind of knife is this? And bibs for grownups? 

As strange as this all was to a kid of 17 I learnt that what is in my head was not as powerful as the experiences of giving it a go. 

Function must follow Form or visa versa!

In other words an idea not tried is vapour. 

For years the disgust of pornography has bothered me. Like eating snails, I had to understand why people who watch it love it. In my inadequacies I believed that if others do so must I. I wanted to be everyone else but dorky me.  Although I have an understanding these days of snails and pornography neither are goto things for me. Both are yucky and boring. Give me an Oxtail stew and kissing any day and I am Lord Muck.

There are plenty of journeys I wish I had never taken but they at least taught me about who I don’t want to be.

This month has been a magnificent time of many 1st’s. Graciously accepting the hand of friendship and tonight joining a Hip Hop dance class to name a few. 

3 things remain true for me:

*keeping it real

*I love people 

*I know God is love

Most of my life has been done scared but I did it.

It has taken me 43 years to get a handle on my irrational fears and have some self-esteem that is allowing me to venture into the life I believe is meant for me. Not a schmaltzy, wannabe and pretentious life but a life filled with adventures to come. 

I am adjusting my point of view!

So remember that what we, falsely, believe about ourselves will always cloud our lives from being the KINGS AND QUEENS we actually are born to be. It is not easy fighting our shadow but it beats fitting in whilst dying inside.

Love is designed to win. Perhaps not exactly how we imagine and often we must go through it scared but the step must be actioned.

I have to find the most decent track and T to wear to dance class tonight. I don’t want to look like a complete eyesore….lol.



• AJB • 


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