Taking a moment to catch my breath, laying in bed with a grin on my face, I give thanks that life is an ever-changing scenario. Even though I am far from reaching the goals that are important to me I can enjoy the journey. Oh gosh it is rough sometimes and my chaos can push me to the brink of wanting to end it all; but it somehow all makes sense somewhere along the line. My home is slowly taking shape in a direction that really expresses me. My friendship journey is proving to be mesmerising.
What stuns me most is the mercy of God / the Universe / Higher Power / Love! After years whilst growing up and sincerely believing that God hated me I am experiencing the exact opposite. Yes, the days go by that I wish that I was a more perfect human but I am just who I am and what I am until it changes. In the interim I am doing what I can to honour that love.
Lately it seems to me that the more we just enjoy being connected to our Greater Love the more life seems to flow in our favour. Personally, dancing as a form of worship in front of life is yielding unexpected results of serious blessing.
Yes my car is STILL at the garage needing R55 000 to fix the engine, I need some basic necessities in my home and need to grow my little business from ‘hanging-on-by-a-thread’ to being able to go somewhere nice on holiday for the 1st time ever BUT I am content.
I never thought that life could have moments of such incredible peace. I see it in the vulnerability of others around me, the emerging of the artist in me expressing itself, the little gains of growth, the forgiveness after a stumble and the overflowing joy when I throw my body around in my apartment dancing with, in and for the presence of my Higher Power.
I don’t doubt that a valley will come unexpectedly but for now I am alive to tell the tale. Tell it I will.
It is not negativity that is our enemy, it is how we act on it. I look forward to seeing those cruel and destructive behaviours in me dwindle away to nothing more than a minor irritating itch.
As I watch the wild garden bird build it’s nest outside of my bedroom window, I count my blessing that it’s my window, my eyes, my home that is the luckiest home in the world to have a bright yellow bird as a neighbour.
Life is all around us and the darkness just a reminder to LOVE the goodness as it OUTWEIGHS every HURT all the time EVERYTIME!
STAY YOUR AMAZING SELF!
• AJB •