In my life I have strung the chords of many a boss. Sometimes it has been when I have let them down. Other times when my fighting intuition has been rubbed up the wrong way and my rebel kicked its heels in. A large part of all of it is that I am a risk taker. IT IS A RISK TELLING ANOTHER THAT YOU DISAGREE OR DO NOT WANT TO BE PART OF SOMETHING! It is a risk to put oneself in dangerous circumstances. It is a risk to stay hidden where no-one can get to know you.
Let’s take yesterday for example….
During my blog chat a ‘nice-to-look-at’ tried to coherse a little ‘fun’. Besides it being 4 am, and cold, I was irritated that the previous times yielded a ‘No show’. As embarrassing as it is to admit that I was flattered by the attention, it also hurt that my attempt to create a ‘more-than-just-a-……’ was met with no success. I had to decline based on logic and certainly not on what my historical emotional patterns would have liked. I mean let’s face it….the idea of a ‘Collins’ moment of heavenly passion is always a great idea. Sadly however the reality, in my case, has more to do with a romantic connection that is about ME being seen more than a bang. It felt good to decline!!!
How often in life do we give a ‘thumbs up’ only to discover that it was fake? Visa versa?
The point is that each moment we live is an act of faith. What I mean by this is that NOT ONE of us knows when it will be our last breathe. EACH TIME WE TAKE A STEP, WE HAVE NO IDEA WHETHER THE EARTH WILL SUPPORT US. I know that this is a weird example. Yes, experience tells us that the earth will support us. But have you sat down in a chair only to discover that it was lower than anticipated, or you misjudged the distance and…..oops, and perhaps the chair broke. I HAVE; BOTH SOBER AND NOT!
That feeling of your heart sitting in your throat as panic hits is overwhelming! The fascinating thing is this…. something in us kicks in to break the fall. Quite instinctively and beyond our control.
I have heard it said that our intuition and organic instinct is God communicating with us. I tend to agree. So often when I have gone against my intuition, the chair collapses. And horrifically so!
WHAT I AM TRYING TO GET TO IS THIS!
It is a gamble to live! It is a gamble to ❤️! It is a gamble to stay, gamble to go, gamble to say yes, a gamble to say no. Every thing and every moment is unsure. We may be able to plan ahead, or for disaster but we cannot know if and when things WILL happen. Insurance companies use this insecurity to make their money. (I have no judgement on the matter suffice as to say the fine print has caught more people out than i care to remember.)
EACH OF US LIVES BY FAITH, CONSCIOUSLY OR NOT!
We only have this experience of this life. Using our wits to overcome the meteors in our lives is wisdom and kindness to ourselves. I am, rather late than never, only now beginning to trust myself enough, or the bit of God in me to help me break my fall.
LIFE ISN’T A GAME OF POLITICS! WE CANNOT ARGUE OUR WAY TO AN OUTCOME MORE DESIRABLE. AT BEST WE PLAY THE HAND WE HAVE! IF WE USE A BIT OF GUMPTION AND INSTINCT WE MAY GET A BETTER HAND.
The thing that fascinates me most is that when I give generously somehow I grow too. As a kid with big dreams and a medium life I have had to wiggle myself out of many meteors that I had created. Thankfully I am getting better at the TRUST game. (being abused by ones own parent tends to make it hard to trust others, sexual abuse a theft of trusting oneself as it violently steals ones inner-peace…..I know…but it does change with hard work)
EACH OF US IS GIVEN A MEASURE….PLAY IT WELL!
BUT TAKE THAT LITTLE RISK OF OPENING YOUR HEART TO THE INSTINCTIVE GRAVITY OF A UNIVERSAL LOVE. I CAN VOUCH THAT IT HURTS LIKE HELL BUT TASTES LIKE HEAVEN! EVERYDAY AS I UNLEARN THE HISTORY OF EXPERIENCE I OPEN THE DOOR TO MAGIC THAT IS BREATHTAKING AND STUNNING! IT IS THERE FOR EACH OF US…..IF WE TAKE THE GAMBLE!?