I LIVE A VERY QUIET LIFE.
(playing with photography)
Over the years I have had to quieten my life down. The measures are mostly as a form of protection. Avoiding dangerous triggers is a must. One of the biggest principles in the 12 step recovery program is side-stepping people, places, and things that can lead to excessive temptation and peer pressure, thereby potential relapse. So by default my personal life is simple and steeped in routines that are familiar and safe. To the uninformed observer I might look like a bore. But huuuuuney, rather that than the wild one who lives within. As entertaining as that suedo-character is, it is not fun for myself or anyone around. Sitting and writing this blog so much is running through my mind. How much to say and what not? As a recent recipient of a scam that I fell for I have run into a devious world that sources information about our lives via social-media. If the only good thing I ever do in my life is to protect just one other from experiencing what I have then that is a life well lived.
(my little patio paradise)
Sitting on my patio with my plants I reminisce about the time just before I met him. I was deeply dissatisfied and lonely. Like a wave of possibilities my mojo was invigorated. As quickly sucked dry. Not for long however….I tend to bounce back quickly. Taking a gap out of my second day at Jack & Co., my new work home in Craighall Park,Johannesburg, South Africa, I get quiet and find my peace.
Blogging my ‘stuff’ is not only a cathartic way for me to figure the noise in head out but a way to see light where it seems so dim. Getting home, stuffing my face, baking in the afternoon sun and pondering on what more can I do to get more bums in my chair fast enough to generate capital to get out of the sticky mess my scammer dug for me, I let the wave of disappointment wash over me. Yes, yes, yes I chose to participate. That was dumb. For reasons beyond explained to death, I was besotted in love, enamored in lust and when the topic of future marriage put forward, of course one can be forgiven for being taken by a glorious moment.
Those that know me well know that all I want is just one other human for myself. I like sharing a life, romantically, spiritually and with vision. In other words I love a playmate. Now let’s just get those sordid minds out of the satin’s for just a moment luv! Cooking, movies, dinner for 1 is truly such a bore. Well most of the time anyway.
(pic of Sunday lunch with friends….darn that vino was tempting…lol)
Planning my financial rescue operation for the month ahead, that is both doable and inspiring I get onto my knees and pray. No, I am not asking my HIGHER POWER to be my ATM. I am asking him to find a way to get all the tireless online marketing I do to yield serious results fast. A while ago I reconciled the inner part of me that wants a bit of easy for a change. Honestly, it would be nice to have a mechanism to turn to in times like this that might bail one out. The reality for me and most is that I am going to have to be that guy for myself. The proud upside for me is that I haven’t relapsed….whoop whoop. I guess I am getting stronger. But what a kak experience to go through at THIS time of year. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
(the featured pic & poetry subject of today’s blog)
In the background with the Rivonia peek hour traffic cutting a bold disturbance to the tranquil sounds of DJ Douglas Gaer’s, ‘Dreams’ on Mixcloud…. I try write a bit of poetry.
SALT ‘N PEPPER
In all of our lives, moments may consume us but it is when we choose to rise that we become dangerous. BE DANGEROUS!
Stay your amazing self! ✌🏽 •AJB•