Blessed

NOT LIKE THAT!

In my Conversations in a Cab 31 the topic of change came up and is the driver behind today’s blog.

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CONVERSATIONS IN A CAB 31

It has taken its toll and the energy to lift myself up has been excruciatingly tough. A pitch fork digs deep into my psyche. Having to take on another’s debt to be honorable, relocating and starting my rent-a-chair from next-to-scratch again and dealing with a bust up heart might do that to one. For weeks my humble apartment resembled a pigsty and I didn’t really care. But get up and go I have. The insane thing is that I still love the human who betrayed and near devastated me. But my small saga is none compared to Zim. Wow! Talk about the tides of change. Never mind the disappointment of the announcement of France getting 2023. Rightly so. Why would any foreigner want to chance their luck on a greedy ANC led state capture mafia government? I had to stop reading Jacque Pauw’s book for a while as it was beyond hectic. One cannot read this brilliantly documented historical book without being overwhelmed by the levels of human inconsideration and greed. But all of this blah blah blah is not the nah-nanana-nah of today’s blog. These are mere reactions to poor actions and in the end should not define our outlooks in lives. Stuff happens and so it must so that the bullshit can walk.

Monday I got stuck into being Dora the domestic Goddess again and whipped my undesirable into livable. I find it weirdly awesome that this week is turning into a better financial week too. I think it comes back to the basic principle of acting in gratitude yields positive results in our lives. Yes, it does mean eating humble pie and laughing at the rhythms our lives take. Sometimes it is our choices that spin our wheels and sometimes it is those of others. The point is that when we do find ourselves back to basics it gives us ample to reflect on.

The new DJ Stevie B mix on Mixcloud is cool and hits a welcome spot of orgasmic yet comfortable pleasure. In times of high impact stress I guess the familiar is the trampoline that pushes us through the burning loop.

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DJ STEVIE B

As a side note I deeply thank my clients and friends who support my little business and humbly ask for the increased and continuation of such. Yes with increasing measure I hope my client base grows considerably. Damn I am flipping great at my career and quite frankly deserve a bit honey on my Swiss rye bread toast. Like seriously already.

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VIDEO: A FEW REASONS YO MAKE ME YOUR HAIR GURU

These ‘SLIPTOVER’ makeovers are recent; the last week in fact. I hope that they inspire you to express yourself differently for a bit. The most wonderful thing is that behind each of these stunning looks is a magnificent human with amazing stories of bravery to tell. We all do in fact! Sometimes even changing ones look requires leaning on the bravery of the stylist you choose.

CHOOSE ❤️!

Stay your amazing self!

✌🏽

AJB•

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Justice in adversity

Light dances through my humble home skimming my knees that graze the floor. Yes, he is praying.

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CONVERSATIONS IN A CAB

midst the hysteria, angst and volatile emotions one can easily absorb the nervousness. But ZA! Let’s not take our final bow yet. But AZ! I laughed yesterday when I realized that my nickname was the alphabetical order opposite of Zuid Africa. It is significant as the meaning of my name is Brave Champion of the Southern Forest.

Something is stirring in me. “Look beyond the obvious,” is the voice that guides me as I take the picture above. Accidentally but rather lit on fleek I read the passage from my Bible that I flipped open for the sake of the pic. Most times I just read the Bible app in my phone. I read and the sentence, aptly the title of today’s blog, burns a path in me. Recently a brilliant entrepreneurial mind and major success story, Marnus Broodryk voiced disdain on FB regarding the ‘hard-done-by-sentiment’ of many South Africans. He is on a national tour to promote his book, ‘90 Rules for Entrepreneurs’.

<<<<<<<<

cannot wait to get my hands onto a copy. Being a young, clueless upstart into self-sufficiency I have mega lessons to learn. The paragraph in my Bible that has prompted this blog, an answer to a question I put, not only to my own psyche but my HIGHER POWER, being, “How did countries rebuild themselves after WW2?” Till date this is probably the greatest source of tenacity and do-over we as a country in crises have to draw from.

Luke 18 vs 1-9, tells the story of persistent widow. What stands out for me is not so much the prayer, albeit an incredibly important action, but the continuous action to do what could be done by the widow.

1) She got up

2) She showed up

3) She nagged the judge

In other words she fought for her justice!

My favorite international DJ provides some mojo today.

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DJ STEVIE B In the tell-all and brilliantly mastered book by Jacques Pauw, The President’s Keepers’, a blow by blow account of the dismantling of ZA is told in shocking but magnificent detail. My heart pounds as I read page after page. A war was waged on our glorious country by an evil tactician and he near won. But what he hasn’t accounted for is us. The people of this land. The people, the populace, the fighters, the overcomers, the wild ones of Africa South. I mean seriously our global conquering king, Nelson Mandela cane out of prison and became an international sensation. 75 years of apartheid struggle, 27 years of prison. Madiba!!!!!! That is our ancestry. Yes we got bamboozled by a commercial break but we see clearly now. ZUMA/GUPTA/ANC near brought us to the brink of destruction but there is a hope.

Below are some articles that I found online that are informative reads about rising out of the ashes. AFRICA ZUID our work has begun and it is not the time to get drunk, despondent and or depressed. We have a country to build!!!

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REBUILDING (1)

REBUILDING (2)

REBUILDING (3)

STORY TIME: Serving Soup:

Mozambique, near Bella Vista, on a 99 hectare plot of land, I had been saved by a penny and hanging onto life by goodwill. My worst fears had been realized. I was a bum, jobless and dependent on others. Although it was neatly packaged and I had food everyday, a bed to sleep in and basic government medical care, I was destitute. The Counsellor’s were buying me toothpaste and soap to bathe. Needless to say my ego was bruised to say the least. I hated straight men, I boxed them the same as my gangster father. Now these very same men were caring for me and I had no power or means to resist. The sweltering heat and constant taunts by narrow-minded and misplaced judgements from other patients cut deep. My facades of the past were exposed and I had to face it. Imagine….a foreigner in a country. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. The only avenue I had was the care received, which was top notch and my intense belief in my HIGHER POWER. I had to resist stealing bits of chocolate. I know that it sounds funny. When you don’t have and lavishness surrounds you in the form of chocolate it is hard to not want to resort to criminal activity. Obviously the rich kids played out their elitist action by sharing with those that could share back. It hurt like hell. After however long the rehab, HEALING WINGS, allowed me the opportunity to generate an income by charging R20 a haircut. Boy, did the good times roll. I had chocolate and I could share. The manipulators tried and successfully took advantage for a while. I had to address my ego. I was an award-winning hairstylist from Sandton doll, cutting hair with mediocre equipment for R20 in rehab. Seriously! Talk about being humbled….🤣🤣🤣🤣!

Why this story?

In a time such as this where our country is in dire straits due to the mafia activities of a Zuma/ Gupta/ANC regime, we must rise.

Being the willing participant in a recent scam, I am back to desperate. With food back to real basics and money owed I am fighting the urge to bury my head in the sand. Although the blessing is that my God-given talent will pull me through I have to humble myself again. I fell in love with someone who manipulated me to extend myself towards his goals. Yes, I stood to make a little money in the side, which was why I fell for it, I didn’t know that I was being scammed until ‘too late she cried’.

So here is the thing:

I, like you want to reach my full potential of success. It’s all I have ever wanted. To prove to myself that I am not the ‘boy from the wrong side of the tracks’ with a broken history, and not so popular point of view. I have been an equal opportunity, non-racist, liberal, anti-elitist, pro-creationist, freedom-fighter since I can remember. My vocal rantings, oft have me being rapped over the knuckles because I am deeply passionate. Most people struggle with vocal people as we tend to upset the apple-cart….🤣😜!In a time where more of us find ourselves in difficult circumstances these are the times when we must deploy wise action.

‘WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, THE TOUGH GET GOING!’

We will need to cut back our expenditure, potentially lower our prices and/or give value add, live in shared accommodation, get creative with what we have and always remember to share. “God loves a cheerful giver.” (2 Corinthians 9 vs7) I remember starting out from scratch in 2012 with nada. Throughout the last few years I have had to deploy extreme caution. When I failed to do so I cracked and burned. Unfortunately being an extremist by nature I don’t do mediocre well. So if I fail or succeed it is spectacularly colourful, either way. I may not be a Marnus Broodryk yet, but I do know this…. you and I are made from the same substance as the stars. We are not made for second best. We are made to be powerful, productive and brilliant.

SOUTH AFRICA OR AFRICA SOUTH; WE CAN AND WILL DO THIS!

We all are, at present, beingcalled to be Brave Champions of the Southern Forest!We all are being called to stop being the President’s Keeper!We are all being called to join our differences and show our wild side; the side that cannot be kept down even after 27 years of prison!We are the people who won the World Cup! We will rise!

Choose ❤️

Stay your amazing self!

✌🏽

•AJB•

STICK THOSE STONES

I wish that I could just shut my big mouth!

But alas, the boy just cannot. Life grabs me and drags me where I oft wish I was merrily blissfully unaware. Reeling in the extravagance of sitting alongside some of my Hair heroes judging the Twincare SA HSOTY 2018 last-night was a dream come true. It is quite something to be honored to judge the efforts of another. To do ones best be to impartial and sincere in judging what is before you, without preference or nepotistic influences is tough. I am glad this morning I can smile knowing that my heart can rest as I did my task fairly, honestly and accurately. I was terrified to judge because that insecure child in me screamed, “Who do you think you are?” Chatting with the judges I quickly saw that I have a keen sense of accuracy. Another fear was dispelled in me. This last year I haven taken every kind of action to overcome the belief that says that I am not good enough. Confidently I now know that doubt is a bitch of the highest order! Don’t I look cute in the pic above….. lol 😜! What walked in a trembling boy, walked out a conquering king. I look forward to 2018with renewed vigor and passion. I am not a fool and watch out world now I know it!

Yesterday I spent the afternoon with friends. There is something so beautiful about being accepted by a group of people who, rightly so, could paint me with the same brush as the ancestry that left a country in crises by judging others because of skin. I mean how dumb is that? Skin for crying out loud…skin!As they get to know me as a human and I them I weep for the damage caused by inaccurate judgement. How anyone can judge another through superfluous goggles is, increasingly, becoming a hard thing to wrap my head around. It is embarrassing for the judge but worse yet for the affiliate, by default, too! God have mercy on us…. you are sooooo right when you say that we don’t know what we are doing. We don’t. Help us please… we are wrong and the cracks have become gaping bombed to hell septic wounds. Even the maggots are indulged to bursting. Please help us be love. Not our version of bullshit love, but the magnificent love you are. We are wrong.

A fishy story:

With the last bits in my fridge I created a scrumptious breakfast for two. Sole baked in a crust of mild chili paste, herbs, fennel and peppers. Wafer thin ciabatta topped with mozzarella, cherry tomatoes and a drizzle of rose syrup added a delicate bite of sweet to the gentle kiss of spicy fish. It was yum!My guest devoured it and is still living so I guess I did great…🤣🤣🤣🤣! The meager but scrumptious breakfast brought tears to my eyes as I retold myself the Bible story of the ‘Fish and Loaves’. The story is a story that teaches about faith, looking beyond the obstacles and that a Power greater than our inflated egos can do more with our honest offerings in this life than we can even try fathom. I know! What looked like a bunch of nothing turned into a sensational breakfast that smacked of innovation and more’ishness.

After judging this prestigious competition lastnight, I got to speaking and sharing another simple snack with a king in my industry. As we bantered backwards and forwards, his life, my life, concluding that mutual respect and appreciation for stories that challenge our humanity I got home and wept. It frustrates me when good people are hurt by inconsiderate others. I still weep as I hear the sadness in the voice of a human I both adore professionally and as person. Their passion for hairdressing is not easily matched. I am honored as a man to know such a great flame in my industry.

SO WHAT’S THE POINT?

{and God help me write this scathing blog of disdain, both optimistically and honestly}

Switching my phone on this AM, I am stunned. The levels of deceit, corruption, perverted sense of justice, right/wrong, hate/love, violence, power-mongering and self-indulgence is startling to say the least.

Come on World we are better than this!

You know it, I know it and the question is are we going to take this crap lying down?

LETTER TO THE PEOPLE:

As a human, like each of us, life has been tainted by incredible hurdles. Gladly, I have done most of my life honestly. The world knows my failures and my successes. Although I am a minor on a global scale, just one more fish in this big pond, I know that I am a colourful one.

What are we doing? Seriously, what are we doing? Using the good to raise the bad? Corrupting the innocent? Stealing from the poor? Kicking the dog that is down? Pious much? What are we doing? Please take it from a guy that just about every yucky thing that can happen to has experienced. We are better than this! Many times I have wanted to curl up and die because I messed up. The overwhelming goodness that covers my life is something no science, theory, pop-psychology or new-age philosophy can explain. Each chaos, self-inflicted or not, is met by a bigger more powerful love that continues to drive me towards my better self. With minimal charity, little safety net and learning through my plethora of mistakes I still stand and grow. I apologize daily for my flawed humanity but daily receive grace in abundance. I know how judgement hurts and can push us in the wrong directions. Gosh I am a balding, average guy, recovering addict, God-believer with a history as my birthright that is cringeworthy. But I love. You can too! We are better than the lies we participate in by faking our secrets. We have the same makeup that makes us jointly the same species. We are filled with profound purpose that is uniquely ours. We have the gift of choice to be better than the jurors say we are. We are the choice between darkness and light. Our thumbs up or down determines life or death. Come on! We are better than our collective history. You, them, us and I are made to be kings and queens. Ok some of us are Quings…..😜. I will take that one! You are magnificent, powerful, gorgeous and amazing! Together we change the world.

WHO WINS?

Not just Texas but the planet!

WHO WINS?

Us or the doubts that tell us that we are insignificant. I can promise you that the Higher Power is ready to take our little fish and loaves add the spice of a beautiful life if we are willing to care, share and address our own inner-demons.

YOU ARE A MIRACLE!

Science has gone a great distance to discover the miracle of child-birth and your DNA alone leaves the most brilliant minds still theorizing the wonder of it.

CHOOSE ❤️

Stay your amazing self!

✌🏽

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CHOOSE ❤️

As the hours move speedily towards what invariably promises to be a flat Christmas, my heart weeps. Look I am not speaking negatively or wishing any bad crap over my life; not at all. On the contrary. With people sending me all sorts of voice notes, reading material and bits and bobs about scams that are running riot, I just know many are sitting in the seat of ‘victim of crime’. The insane part is that I do not blame the criminals. Well at least not the petty criminals. I would do the same if I had no other option. No job, no income, no means of survival. Even online dating sites are riddled with people selling sex services to survive. As financial restraints climb so too desperate measures. I have even thought about selling my treasured, albeit untrained, art to try make ends meet since my own personal run-in with being bamboozled.

Blow by blow as I make money, sacrificing healthier foods for more basic necessities and starting to pay the responsibilities I have, life is going to be tough for a while. Look, I am not complaining. Compared to the majority of the worlds population I still have it easy. No, if I am going to blame anyone or anything it simply comes down to egoism and elitism. Because 1 man decided that their life is more important than another yesteryear we, globally, sit in a crises where undereducated, undernourished, un-nurtured, despondent, desperate people are rising up against the oppressor. Sadly I have to confess that it is the guilt of a pale skin that has created this upsurge in hostilities. Rightly so. Come on now don’t hate on me for speaking the truth plainly. If roles were to be reversed, how long would us ‘whitees’ have put up with it? Not long I can tell you. Part of the fundamental make-up of men is the ‘Conquerer’. We men, however, and some ladies too forgot to conquer by volunteering freewill from the conquered. No we dominated, beat down and lost the very shining example of our so-called westernized religiosity. We claimed territories in the name, oft, of civil Christianity; taming the barbarian. We did it the wrong way! Instead of creating equality, we created a barbaric institution of slave and master. We still repeat that same shameful practice today in 2017. So no I don’t blame the petty criminals. I blame ourselves. All of ourselves!

I sit on my patio watching my teeny tiny neighbour build his nest for his beau. The rat race scourges towards the inevitable conclusion of self-preservation. Mixcloud offers up some groovy side notes to my morning. Coffee is bitter but seems poignant for my mood of late. Carefully wrapped in a sarong I am conscious to not flag my Morningside traffic with an eyeful.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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MARK O CONNOR: HOME

As an extremist and eccentric I cannot help but instinctively gravitate towards different to me. I often joke with my female clients about the fact that they are from Venus. Girls are just weird…..🤣🤣🤣😜! What I mean is that they fluctuate; well at least regarding their personal statements of expression. I think this why they do my head in. I am forever trying to take the information they give me and try to get as close as I can to meeting those demands, within the confines of budget and Hair preservation. Giiiiiiirls, sometimes no is no 😜. Not because we want to be bitches, us stylists, but because we want to save you a world of hell going forward. The endless struggle of stylists. Aaaaaargh!

Nuf said! Whether consciously or unconsciously each of us has become privy to the rigors of compliance to standardized norms. These norms are guided by the self-gain interpretation of religion, bias, judgement and propaganda based educational systems. Now I am not anti any of these things but when it creates prisoners of thought and doesn’t encourage diversity there is something morbidly wrong. Can we not see it? As an outsider, simply because I don’t conform well, I see it daily as a stylist. Everybody wants different as long as they look like everybody’s different and still look like themselves. What for? Some of my most playful moments come from not fitting the mould. Never have and probably never will. I can’t help myself. I just prefer different! Lol!

HAVE YOU EVER ASKED YOURSELF: WHY AM I THE WAY I AM? WHY DO I LIKE WHAT I LIKE?

I did at 28 for the for the first time. I realized that I was defined by my job, the ‘horrorscopes’, by the perceptions of others about me, my history, my understanding of that history and my expression of my inner desires. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Although I am still on a journey towards greater authenticity, I see clearly that the only task worth indulging in is love. And fiercer than Beyonce I am endearing myself with greater propensity to that cause. Hopefully it will also bring me some wealth to do more of it….lol.

{if anyone wants to help me become that…kindly teach me to do so for myself 😜…. goodness knows I need a business mind to turn my brand and dreams into a powerhouse}

CHOOSE ❤️

Stay your amazing self!

✌🏽

AJB•

LET’S

Over the years I have explored expressing myself in many different ways. Through the work I do, the art I try create, the way I love, dress, music I listen to, read, do, like and ‘not-so-much’. Perhaps however, is the magic of moving home, finding home and myself in it that has brought some great reflection for me about myself. The above collage depicts, in part some of my vibes. The interesting thing for me is that each of the above pics on my social-media has brought various people and engagement. They all judged based on what I evoked in them. The thing is that, I am in part, that which they judge but not all. Recently I started to conduct a little experiment. I do these amateur experiments from time to time. I try measure whether what I feel to be true about what I think is accurate or not. The main reason is that I find it very difficult to know wether people are genuine or masking. We all mask! I think our programming teaches us to be polite and PC. I mean have you ever exploded, voiced your opinion and immediately after wish you hadn’t said it? Not because one said something false but rather exactly truthfully. I have. The people-pleaser in me suffers much and the game of trying to amend becomes an illusion of delusion. The pit of exactness is a trickster to navigate. For years I have been aware that most people hate the actual truth. Many say we do but when it comes we dispel the facts by feeling hard done by. A battle of ‘most-right’ can be grueling.

The last month has tested my wits to no end. I stumbled into a bromance. It is no ordinary moment. The energy is a connection I have not experienced before. Chatting for hours and discovering historical, cultural and social influence differences is reminding me so some things I have forgotten about. Civility. You know the kind of civility we often saw from grandparents at church. In my frantic fight to reach for my dreams, sometimes I bulldozed my way to see myself as I want to define. I cannot stand living up to what others say I should be. Being Aries, I want to choose and not be dictated to. Yes, those consequences are then my own to live with, but those too are my own consequences. I may make a lot of mistakes, but at least they are honestly so. I cannot imagine being a ZUPTA. How does one live with oneself destroying another’s freedom to dream. Worse still, steal the opportunity for them to strive for it. So much is learnt by giving the dream a go. Historically and presently the ones who have the most to lose create powerful and exclusive tribes of haves. The tightening of that cord is seeing many more starving as the wealthy get wealthier.

I wonder why so many struggle with kindness? Or in a nutshell….. civility?

A civility of a different kind has disturbed my creativity. The civility of ‘does he/doesn’t he’ or ‘has he/ hasn’t he’ is terrible. I find it destroys me as I keep waiting for definitive answers before making a character call. It’s a time thing. How can one judge honestly before one even knows another properly. The point is that the yo-yo is much like a ‘Toyi-toyi’. Hostile to serenity and engaging like a ‘can’t-open-my-eyes-but-have-to-peek’ bloody scene. I can’t. I do. The energy is the peeking, the learning the ‘eyes-shut’. It’s creative as possible scenarios yield possible reactions and outcomes. I hope with all my heart that the outcome is favorable. It would be nice to have little love affair for a while. One that flows organically as this one does, would add some great flavor to a tough time in history. I personally think that the world grows more and more insane daily. You? As for myself the tug of war between what I know as almost tangible energy between two people vs the complexity of two individuals is hectic. I always wonder why loving another intellectually, spiritually and emotionally is unpredictable. That might be my hairdressing background. A lot of colour outcomes are a given. Blue Ash on blonde goes green. All colour goes warm. Level 6-8 are difficult to control. People think it is easy until they experience disaster. Anyhow I struggle with humans because we cannot control eachother. We might think we can but at best humans are contained to our galaxy for now.

In the movie Lucy with Morgan Freeman & Scarlett Johansson the very concept of control is explored. What would happen if we utilized more that 10% of our brains? Imagine for a second. If we do what we do now…….?

The social experiment I have been conducting revolves around the question I have of wether people are perverts or not? I think the answer is yes. This is an interpretation of the fact that Reality Tv is an ever expanding addiction. I changed my social-media into two categories: personal and professional. The interesting thing is that who I am thought to be has received more interest than what I actually do. Funny that?

The point is that the little I share about myself really, through my blog, personal pages are far more engaged than the evidence of my professional stuff.

Crazy world we live in?

The truth is that the talents given by my Higher Power are far more interesting than the person delivering them. I am just a human like all of us learning my way around this life. It thrills me to engage life, interpret and create something. The reason is that this world is not about us. Rather it is about how we serve the One who gave us the abilities to co-create! In other words which rabbit will we chase? Self or the honoring of the gifts we have by using them to love others?

In this chilled Mixcloud session by Dj Biro, the calm, I hope gives us space to center ourselves. To find the proverbial rabbit and the will to do what must be done.

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BIRO: CHILLED SESSION< strong>CHOOSE ❤️

Stay your amazing self!

✌🏽

•AJB•

YOUR HIDDEN TREASURE

Slicing the chase; my personal history is comparable to peddled self-doubt.

What does this mean? From the super-spiritual to the interpretations of events, I was sold down the river. It is a long winded tale. Every kind of abuse, self-inflicted and by others has braised my life with crippling consequences. As a follow on from SWEET SUNDAY PERVE, I woke up this morning in my tranquil home, coffee in hand with a pressing question, “What is self-love?”

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SWEET SUNDAY PERVE

n an attempt to create the mood of this blog, as an experiential experiment, please play the following mix off Mixcloud to feel the depth of this blog. This 3 hr collection, truly expresses the journey of self-love. At times we float along, scratch a way forward, trip up and feel like giving up. From experience I have seen and still do that magic happens in each movement. The journey is an authentic one built on the simple fact that we are born to be kings and queens.

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DREAMS IN BLUE 003

(pic I took this AM of bits and pieces to talk about ‘HIDDEN TREASURES’)

I guess the right place to start is…..

You are not the sum of your life, job, money, beauty, body, mind and/or desires.

What I mean is that we are the version of ourselves that is prescribed in the etchings of love. It is in this that our organic preference is untainted. The easiest explanation is found in children. As a stylist I am often amazed by the ideas of my young clients. No matter the age, outspoken children have very definite ideas about their hair. The shy kids take some work to build trust but eventually also become vocal about their preferences. Often I wish parents would back off from being controlling and just observe these little ones express their ideas without judgement. So often parents create unnecessary insecurities by imposing their personal desires onto these little sponges. Some kids authentically love bedhead hair, others tidy, others wants punky colours and some want to fit in. When a friend fell pregnant I had the wonderful experience of watching her son in the first few years of his life. When he could walk my car keys, shoes and everything else ended up in the bin or loo.

I was amazed that he had observed our behaviours and duplicated them.

It remains a tragedy to me that I never had children of my own. By that I mean adopting. At 43 I have made peace with living vicariously through the lives of other parents.

This next story is a deeply disturbing one but a reality for me. The spiritual war on my life has been a distinctive one. Why? I wish that I knew. Please understand it takes a lot to share this weird story, but for context of this blog it is essential. Be kind in your judgement as many have dig the dagger of hate in deeply.

I cannot remember exactly the age I was, but an intelligent estimate, about 1. My mom was sleeping with me in her arms when something started to pull me out of her arms. Switching the light on, fighting this intruder, she realized that it was a spiritual entity. Nothing physical was visible. She often told how she had never been so frightened and prayed like she had never prayed before. Something tried to take the life ahead of me in the most disturbing and bizarre way. It has left a cautionary scar! A spiritual scar that has created a beast in me that must fight for the belief in truth and love. Today 42 years later, I have come to accept that spiritual is so a part of me that I cannot separate myself from it. It pours out of me in everything I do. Good or bad. It has taken mega heartache to get to a point of accepting myself as valid.

Valid like each and every person on this planet, gone, here now and still to come!

(This screenshot, ⬆️, a blog from Huffington post, authored by Elyse Santilli, titled: ‘8 Ways to Increase Your Self-love’)

After my last relationship ended, I took to healing myself through blogging. I went back to basics in every way. I went back to the therapy notes and lessons. I stopped the onslaught of the world by isolating myself from it. I decided that the most valid input would come from my Higher Power. I had gotten to a point where I couldn’t lose myself anymore trying for the approval from other humans. My innocence had been robbed through sexual abuse and my trust of the world broken by emotional and physical abuse from a cruel father. I spent so many years perpetuating that self-hatred through sexual promiscuity, addiction and people-pleasing because I didn’t feel valid. I seriously thought that the world was better off if I was dead. I was of no use, just trouble. And boy did I co-create some spectacular messes!

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Sometimes, irritatingly, like still smoking I still self-harm. The process of getting myself back to a point of self-love is quicker. Miracles happen, daily around me now. I see it in the feedback I get from friends who love me so dearly that they spank me emotionally when I second guess myself. I see it in the tiny growth of my business that I started with R600 in my pocket, the connection I experience with my new relationship, my better use of responsibility, and the love I feel for others as I prompt them to be their authentic selves. Everyday, male, female, straight, not, religious, agnostic and hurt or healing makes a point of hugging or getting a dose of my antics that are crude but affirming it a non-judgemental way. Yip, I am that guy that deliberately deploys shock tactic to cut the wheat from the chaff. It’s naughty and in-your-face. I don’t really care. Time goes by so fast that trying to mollycoddle people to let go of silly restraints is not my idea of fun. My personal mantra: live laugh, be, explains me well.

After years of trying to get people to love me because I didn’t know how, isolation brought me into contact with a love that runs so deep. So deep in fact that I am well aware that I haven’t even begun to scratch below water level yet. But my heart pours out for #❤️🌍🌈, profoundly. We chase power, money, sex, status, validation whilst all the while sacrificing ourselves. We make ourselves slaves. Like myself, we all need a dose of organic and authentic self-love. I hope my little journey will inspire you to stop and discover the star substance in yourself.

SO WHAT HAVE I LEARNT ABOUT SELF-LOVE?

STEP OUT OF DENIAL:

Much like a kid in a toy shop, our eyes are seduced by the colours, shapes and excitement of new things. Separating ourselves from the stimulants that distract us from noticing ourselves is essential. In our private sanctuary, that safe space, we need to to put it out there that we are raising our white flags and acknowledge that our best shot at life yielded some results. We need to accept that perhaps there is more to this life than we think or know. I mean, logically speaking, if we had all the answers wouldn’t we be living perfect lives? Once we are in the toy shop again, rather than being seduced, we notice what we instinctively are drawn to. We ask ourselves, “Why do I like this? Is it drawing me to something else inside of me that needs healing? What is that healing needed and how do I find the answers?”

The answers do come. Sometimes it hurts because we are at fault, other times we gain victory from false perceptions. Each lessons inspires us to search more. The rainbow in us begins to unfold.

BEING GRATEFUL:

This is a tricky part! Being grateful is not just saying thank you for our lives. Grateful is also about allowing ourselves to be moved and changed for the better. It is about not beating others down to achieve our personal goals. It is more about becoming an equal citizen that allows ourselves and others to win through our respective talents. Gratitude is the actioning of the idea that each of us is on this planet and each of us should be granted the tools to thrive. Thriving and striving is the name of the game. We are born to be kings and queens.

GETTING BACK TO BASICS:

As we all know, when we move house we chuck a lot of stuff. We tend to gather things that collect dust in moth eaten boxes in the back-bottom if the attic or garage. From time to time we need to reassess ourselves and see if we have moved away from the process of giving ourselves time to discover our uniqueness and our gifts to be shared in the world.It happens so easily, distraction! One way that I recognize that I am moving towards falseness is if I find myself judging instead of trying to understand. I am not talking about calling out bad behaviours. But when I call it out in a manner that demeans others then chances are I am hurting myself too. When I hurt, my flawed humanity wants to lash out and make others feel my pain. It takes so much learning to adjust this but it is better than ever before. You? It is times of tripping up that we need to acknowledge our humanity, make amends and laugh at our fragility. We all do it so it doesn’t make us bad, just learning.

DAILY:

Every day we need to give ourselves a pat on the back for the good things we did. Why this is important is because our brokenness wants to point us to our failings. Eventually as we practice doing our goodness it becomes a natural flow in our daily lives. It is here however, where deploying wisdom is necessary. In our new state of goodwill we can easily become prey to people who are still captured by predatorial accents. This process of daily, taking stock and recognizing the distractions from our authenticity grows us into a hard and fast foundation of truth. It is in this sharpening of our iron that we begin to stand for goodness as we self-adjust our lives to look like the heart we find inside ourselves.

THE MAGIC:

This is where I am beginning to walk. Over the last few months, blessings have been poured out onto me. I am not talking about fee-rides. I am talking about the rewards of my discipline and choosing to become a connected part of a universal love. Life is still far from my dreams but each moment I am aware that my dreams are near. I cannot wait to have the budget to create an international ad campaign for SLIPT. I dream of creating an uninhibited, emotional art piece that declares war on the status quo. I dream of a global impact that gives greater license to freedom of expression that is outside of hate, anger and man-made restrictions. I dream of SLIPT being a beacon of hope to others to take the journey towards a life lived well for all.

Magic is where we raise others by being the person we are born to be!

CHOOSE ❤️

Stay your amazing self!

✌🏽

AJB•

Withstanding

The above pic of Iceberg Roses really cuts the right mood for this Sunday. In Sandown, Johannesburg, South Africa the overcast weather is moody but comforting. The following Mixcloud mix lends a charming yet ethereal quality to the morning.

Click ⬇️

DREAMS IN BLUE

Nibbling on Tiramisu for breakfast, whilst my guest snuggles into the duvet, I occupy my heart with reflections of the timely gifts that are coming to me. For so long, trying to keep my head above water, surviving the calamity’s of my past, has been tough. As many who have messed up a bit will say, it is hard to self-motivate in the face of harsh and often exaggerated criticism. Worse yet are the suedo-friendships, that stab the dagger in just a little deeper. Thankfully at a time like this I can truly say that I am surrounded by a life that is enviable. Enviable because authenticity flows organically and love is deep and intimate. Even my new chapter of a new potential relationship is riddled with connection and care. It is a little scary being in this uncharted waters. It is uncharted for me. Most of my past lovers the connection seemed to stop at a level. This time I am finding myself at depths that leave me breathless and frightened. I don’t know a life without angst. Years gone by my heart fought so hard against itself. I craved this depth but settled for whatever I could get. I guess it is the expected outcome from a heart smashed against rocks by reckless people. Still, i would rather be the hurt guy than being a carbon copy of so many people who invest energy into vandalizing the hearts of others; carelessly. Being in a moment, and I hope with all sincerity that is travels a long distance. The analyst in me is intrigued to discover the difference of mindset due to the fact that his and my life is vastly different. I am ecstatic to learn about this person, who has a depth of live that is startling to be part of. Aaaaaaargh, patience will have to be deployed to draw out the essence of this man’s heart so that it can live its fullness. Reigning from a part of the world where one “sin” is held up over as worse than the “adulterers” who judge it so has taken a toll to this sensitive masculine heart.

It has taken 15 years of working on myself to get to a point of accepting myself as myself. It will take the rest of my life to explore that person I almost destroyed because of the inadequacy of a world I find myself in. We all do! And for what? That another cruel task-master might have a notch on their belt that says they murder humanity.

Our violent unwillingness to judge ourselves and others with a loving mindset destroys the fiber that holds us together…..humanity!

I cannot understand why we hate eachother so much. As the tears pour out of me, unstoppable, I wonder how many people are crying out of terror and pain in the world right now. I feel my energy being shared to the angst of a world. I pray that love heals, realizes dreams, breaks hate, raises lives, smiles onto tears, and upholds care for all equally.

How lucky I am to have a different moment where the depths of the love I have always felt is being carried deeper.

I find my spirit dancing on the history that turned me into a kind, generous, loving, human.

I was fortunate to catch the majesty of this double rainbow, yesterday in Hyde Park, Johannesburg, South Africa. In my 43 years of my humble life, I have never seen each colour of the rainbow so visibly. I wish you could’ve seen it. Each colour cut an exact line of its glory alongside each other glory.

CAN WE JUST NOT LET US HUMANS BE THE SAME….YOUR GLORY, MY GLORY, OUR GLORY?

In ‘Conversations in a Cab 23’, the driver, had some interesting and thought provoking insights into the World Dom his perspective. To listen to it Click ⬇️.

CONVERSATIONS IN A CAB 23

As I nibble on breakfast, enjoying a moment, feeling the joy, accepting my blessings, counting my gratitude, thanking my HIGHER POWER and thinking of the world at large, I hope that peace carries you through every moment of this day.

CHOOSE ❤️

Stay your amazing self!

✌🏽

•AJB•